Buried Deep

deep within my heart resides a place only for my sons
filled with memories i saved up for those rainy days
when id drag them out and reminisce of a time past
the full pain of my heart lays buried deep within my soul

parents sometimes make decisions they feel is the best
only to have them come back to haunt them later in life
the good we envisioned never came to pass for anyone
the full pain of my heart lays buried deep within my soul

i missed the part of their lives that made them become men
when tragedy struck my oldest son i could no longer sit back
i could feel their mixed feelings but the love never does die
the full pain of my heart lays buried deep within my soul

both had felt my desertion as a betrayal would they understand
pain went deep forgiveness might not occur could i regain their trust
taking the chance to keep them safe i knew their father would be best
the full pain of my heart lays buried deep within my soul

something was amiss within my brain i knew not what it was
i felt the threat to them as i remembered my own childhood days
the chain had to be broken only i could do that but at what cost
the full pain of my heart lays buried deep within my soul

events occurred to make the break it shattered their world and mine
not the best way but at the time the only way within my confused mind
i was at a full blown episode logic took the back seat bi polar at the helm
the full pain of my heart lays buried deep within my soul

i seemed to go from the frying pan straight into the fire no hesitation
never seeming to understand how to put the fire out in the first place
my world was always upside down no one ever understood not even me
the full pain of my heart lays buried deep within my soul

now i know so do they but the wanting is still on hold they do they dont
they arent sure about letting me in they arent sure of their feelings either
i do understand i will give them the time and space they need i do love them
the full pain of my heart lays buried deep within my soul

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