Beautiful Disaster

Memories of You

I told myself
To forget you
Your eyes, your smile
Your touch too
I told myself
You didn't care
About my heavy heart
And how I'd bear
I told myself
You weren't for me
And that a relationship
Could never be
And for a while
This seemed to work
But thoughts of you
Still lurk
As I lay in bed
Before drifting off to sleep
Thoughts of you
Arise from the deep
They start out small
But I can't push them away
They make themselves comfortable
They are here to stay
I don't know why
I can't let go
Why I keep holding on
To this terrible woe
It taunts my dreams
And fills my mind
How did I let myself
Get into this bind?
I told myself
Not to fall for you
I knew it would be trouble
Through and through
But you smiled and winked
And said sweet things
You were the only one
To give my heart wings
Only to find a year later
That you were inept
Something I had known all along
But had yet to accept
I should have known
That no one could love me
That I'm an untouchable
And that's how it will always be
You were messed up
Drugs has damaged your brain
We were in a hospital
No one was sane.
How could I expect
Anything serious from that?
Why did I let myself fall
For our superficial chats?
I can ask questions all day
But I'll never really know
I guess I just wanted it so badly
I let everything else go
And now I will deal with
The consequences I must bear
And I eventually I will get from here
To somewhere over there
I will learn from my experience
And listen to the lesson it teaches
Don't trust anyone
Practice what you preach.
How long will my heart be heavy?
How long will I have to pay?
Will this feeling ever go away
Or is it here to stay?

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