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a thought of a thought of a thought

(i) but how did I end up here?

my arm draped her shoulder
our eyes adjusted to the dark
I think I need to stop now

did we ever really recover from the loss?
I tried to sound calm to quell the panic
and we sat there in silence for the next day
which was all we needed for that moment

I was no longer lust like everybody else
that's what you said
I felt virtually nonexistent
completely unaware of myself or my environment

I still felt as though the secret was mine
yet I've sometimes wondered why silence seems so loud
why I felt a pang of intense loneliness
then loneliness began creeping into my dreams

I began to think about other issues
it was the first place I'd ever lived in that actually felt like my own
inside my own head I saw the ghosts of old friends
and I heard my breath from inside my own chest

the world doesn't like simplicity or relaxation
and a certain nobility is demanded
yet it's the only time I'm ever going to have
to work
watch TV
and sleep

(ii) I don't know. I only know about me

she turns around and our eyes meet
now she knows that this has never been true
and all noises and voices stopped

in the silence I flow several feet above the ground
do ghosts have pain?
I look into her mind and I'm fascinated by the things I see
I've seen all I've ever needed to

I became a star in the sky
and I've been watching you ever since I met you
you simply made me stop feeling lonely
this is my moment of surrender

the water's white noise is invisible now
the lights
dazzle as they will
are silent
I touch my heart
and remove a glowing spark from it
that's what I believe
a thought of a thought of a thought

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