Bleeding Soul and Bleeding heart)
Those poems are about the feelings i discovered before this poem
Also this poem is about the friendship
I had with this person discovering secrets just yesterday that horrified me to death!
You don't seem to care.
Everyone loves you, including me...
Can't forget your friendship when we were at the closest...
Can't forget it even now when we're miles apart
Before was an arms lengths apart
It was just you were home and i was home
Can't forget the friendship I'll maybe die with tears coz of dehydration
I'd rather know the truth, still a loner in the friendship
Its not going too well how'd i cope with this?
God found me a friend i could keep for life!
Not for almost 20 years to go down the drain!
Although it isn't going to its just a strain
It aint like it was, but i learned through the pain
I didn't have to go insane
Its just a new way of seeing life now and what i will gain
What am i taking for granted
What have i not seen what God had given me
Did i see it all
I did thank Him like always so maybe i did, but maybe i am not getting His point
Maybe i should try to understand, but first i gotta write this
You still share secrets, still i don't know whats the point
You know I'll take it to the grave, but I'm trying to forget who you've become now
Not a bad girl just not like before
He'd i cope with your new found fame
God found me a friend
A new one
From school
Then on then to college
One at school i don't see no more
Or we'll still be friends
Now the new one
So much in common
Never argued for the past five years
Loves me to bits and just as much as i love her
We're Inseparable she's always unbelievably busy
With uni
Even when she was at work
She always makes the effort to call me, see me, play and have fun and serious chats.
She also tells me deep, deep secrets
You began to remind me of those at school
When you see the rest
I'm just a loner
Its been going on forever
I was so young and liked you so much i didn't realize
When you were with them
I'm a loner who can't join in
You don't explain to me
I'd rather be part, see her friends talk about different things
We all do sometimes, but she cares to explain
How'd i cope with your new found fame
Guess i was jealous, but i didn't want my beautiful heart become
Immune to a terminal disease all because of you
I guess i can't walk away from you
Its been almost 20 years
We can't be best friends, but will this mean
It will break the bridge forever
I HOPE NOT
Just that i could also feel your parents losing respect for me
I was only a teen, you did it before me so it was great for you
I found it a little harder my head got so hot i didn't handle it so well
At least i did it in the end after you, but i still did it
I didn't have to then anyway you didn't have to, but you did and i was so proud of you
Religion is practice anyway right?
Am i wrong to correct me if i am not, but you need will power
Yours is so much stronger than mine
So its great God gave you great will power which you pushed Satan away with
Great
You put another right
You shall be rewarded not to assume they don't do something
Coz they are bad people
Not to assume anything else and put you in a bad position
Was there anything going on you never told me
You don't seem so happy when i call
Oh yeah i got more to say young lady i am not finished
If this pen runs out of ink I'll write it with anything i can
I felt if your parents thought that way of me i felt accused
Except i am not saying they did or they didn't or blaaady blaaady blah
If you did GOD forgive you for all the pain
Years untold, maybe my mom didn't want to upset me, but she should have told me then
I may have got over it quicker anyway, but best not coz i am wiser and better to take it in
She told my mommy your daddy was drinking and its not good anyway
So you should look at your own lives before judging an innocent child
Who am I to judge only God is the judge of humans
So why'd they judge what isn't their's to judge?
Your daddy slandered statement, why i always came, why i was always at your house
Talking to me nicely then the next second this
I can call him two faced because that is a two faced person
Everybody knows that
Then he backbites of a child and how cruel this is to be
Especially that i know now and you were not around to see me bursting into tears
Upon hearing the start until the end
I wasn't always there and you also whispered all the time
To me saying things and i asked why you never told me
Things not to do etc, to not do this or talk about this
Asked why whats it all about you told me nothing, nothing and nothing
What kind of a friend have i been with
As well a divorce just only
Now mommy trying to hitch me up for 20 thousand dollars and to marry
Just for a man to come here and he is in his forties and i am in the first year of my twenties
Yet she said don't marry in religious law only in English law
SORRY ITS illegal
I won't not even to gain their respect or yours
They can hate me after this, but i am not the one in the wrong here
I am doing them and myself a favor
Why marry again until i sorted my life out i will
Starting with the rest of the things i gotta say to you
A good friend God gave me, but she let Satan be the third person
In which was only meant to be our friendship
He said also that you're now a full time babysitter to the siblings
That you don't have time for nobody, except the friends i always find you're with
When i call they answer the phone
Tell me where you are and everything now
Back to the past he also said he doesn't want anyone here
You tell me you had a bad life, well you had friends i had nobody, but you
I was just a loner
How'd i cope
God helped me through this
GOD
Until He found me new friends
Any-who My mommy asked what i had done, she said
"I know my daughter to be a great girl of innocence, good behavior and manners
She respects all things not only humans unless you could tell me a reason i am not correct..."
He said "NO COMMENT"
I won't even assume i just thought i was always the blame
She asked him again what is wrong and your mommy said he was drunk
Its no excuse for his behavior i say now
Did she agree or not, well i am not assuming, she never said to my mom anything
She should have said she loves me, but she had to listen to your Father
I am sorry, but she should have i can't help feeling the way i feel
Just like you couldn't help the way you feel about your new friends
My mommy didn't want to damage me further
So told me it was too far away not to come
I made the effort and i still do
I woke at 7 am one time and i am sick just coz i missed you so badly
The other friends get the best of you and i get the rest
Or non
I couldn't let it end you see i still came
I still loved you to pieces
I loved the good times and all we been through
All the makeups after the fall outs
I remember it all
ALL OF IT
My memory is that bad, but i remember it all with you
Almost 20 years burned in my heart, mind and soul...
I became a loner
Until i found the friend God left for me now
The one in school i hope she is well
Coz she never hurt me and i still miss her and love her
Afraid not to befriend many from all the pain, but i got on with all
She kept asking me to meet her and i explained her the story of my life
She and I quickly became the best of friends and it only
Took a few seconds and we been friends for five years now and not a single
Argument had entered our lives
Feel its for life
Our friendship i never saw the U-turn or the reverse to be a dead-end
In my heart the memories will maybe kill me with pain
Yearning me with desires, but lets hope i forget unless you want to mend the bridge that broke down
So we can be closer once again
For the Sake of Our Lord
What ever happened we can fix this
You don't make the effort
Then you apologize all the time
I don't wanna hear how sorry you are
I just want to fix the bridge that once made us the best of friends
Do you want to or not?
Obviously you got them
How can i win
I feel i am not good enough now
People move on and change
Thats just life
Someday I will find my own life too
You got a life i got one, but if i am always wondering about you
I gotta make mine better
Keep busy and all
I realize now you never say things back to me
I still give you my heart and all my loyal trust and love
You can never admit i was the best thing that ever happened to you
I was the first in your friendship life
You were my first friend i truly knew as the best thing God had ever given me
It will never be the same again
Its over now we gotta be distant friends
Once in a while
You were a loner, didn't know a soul
Come from a village and i didn't care where you came from
What your family did you were my friend
I was alone and so happy i had you from God
So grateful
I GAVE YOU THE BEST YEARS OF MY LIFE
You were all i thought about and asked about
Only God knows what happened
Except we can still be friends
It hurts and i can't say Goodbye
Would the prophet ever do that
No it just hurts me that i am not your best friend
I'll always be a wounded friend, but i am hoping it won't break the friendship
How i feel I'll try my best to put aside
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