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Poos and Bums
Now this is a 100% true story
About when i was younger and obsessed with the lavatory
When i was a young lad, cheeky and small
My mum told me off, for being crude, around the dinner table
All i talked about was bums and poos
And one day she had enough and blew her fuse
She shouted, "This is our family dinner time Matthew!!"
"If you love talking toilet talk so much go and take your dinner to the loo!"
And with that twinkle of naughtiness in my eye
I got up, took my dinner and helped myself to another pie
I looked over my shoulder, to make sure my mum saw what I'd done
And quietly whispered "smelly poo poo pie bum"
I put the toilet seat down and sat on its lid
I was such a inventive little kid
When my mum came in and said "are you sorry for what you've done?"
I said with my mouthful "those pies are lovely, can i have another one?"
I then shouted from the lavatory
"Could you pass me some ketchup for my salami!"
I loved eating my dinner in toilet so much more
I shouted out" Can you please be quiet, I'm trying to eat" and shut the door
I continued to talk about poos and bums
About little white poos of the bread crumbs
Even now at 33
I think poos and bums are very funny
It was one of the favourite stories told of my mums
How Matthew only talked about poos and bums.
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