I was watching the travel channel the other day
And it was about a train ride in India to Bombay
I've been on that train ride and it brought back a funny story
About the time I had the hottest curry
I was travelling from Bombay to Delhi
When I suddenly became very hungry
Now the million-dollar question would be?
Do I eat something that will hurt my belly?
I didn't care, I was starving, and if the locals can
I am sure it will not hurt a well-travelled man?
Some little Indian man in white cloth and sandals
Sold me for a few rubes a bowl of rice and lentils
My mate Chris looked at me and shock his head
“You're mad Bartram, for eating that!” he said
I started to take the pisss and eat it infront of him
Saying “Wow this is SO tasty, you don't know what you're missing”
Then my throat started to burn, then my stomach and then my arrrsse
Chris was cracking up, and said “Oh my God this is the best ever laugh!”
“Shut the F-up you cock, I'm dying here! This is manslaughter!”
“Now stop laughing and give me some water!”
The lentils were not lentils at all but very small chillies
There was a local man sitting next to me and he handed me some berries
I drank 2 litres of water to cool me down,
And then the train stopped for a break at a little town
My bowels then rumbled and I ran off that train
My whole body felt in pain
There was a cabin just outside the station, and I needed to poo
And I ran inside and sat down in this wooden loo
Because I was in such a state I didn't see
What was lying below the lavatory
All I felt was the relief of letting out the hottest curry
I just ran that train in such a hurry
When I got up I saw there was a slide under me
That went all the way down to a little piggy
I then had to wipe my ar$e with a batch of hay
This is India and it's just their way
They have a bucket of water to wash your bottom
With the left hand you wipe your bum, man it's rotten!
All I heard was oink oink from down below
How I wish I now never watched that travel show!