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 Reneé's Dream Journal

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To Feel Whole Again, I Pray...


(written right after walking out of a cancer support group)

Walking out this time with no sense of fulfillment
Not them, nor what they had to share
Held any bearing on my own [personal] restlessness..

I just felt emptiness
That hole that leaves me feeling unwhole..
Call it my illnesses, detachment, low self-esteem
Or
Just another realization..
Life isn't always such a dream.

Dream-like [I can feel] with my special someone
But what can stop me from just getting up..
And going back on the run?

It's not life, devoid of love; I miss today..
Maybe..
It's just that I miss that sparkle
That I had in my eye..
Yesterday.

I want to function in this society..
Yet, still hold onto
My spirituality and creativity.

I'm NOT suicidal
THAT
Just gets sooooo old..
I guess,
I've just got to get used to life's monotony..
(Or so I'm told.)

You know, I'm no "Edgar Allen Poe"
Nor "Van Gogh",
I'm just ME, stuck to much in Me
And my own self-loathing reality.

Taught through intuitive thought
Others talk
And the Angel's I've sought..

That it is all about..

Surrender and Release.

Please, oh, please
Help me!

Then, maybe I can reach through..
And find my inner peace.

To feel whole again, I pray!







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