Turmoil!

So I believe in God and always have,
But now my faith has swayed a tad,
For the faith I was brought up into…
I'm wondering if its now bad?
Not bad as in, horrible at all,
Just, well, not the right path to take,
For I love my God, as I believe He loves me,
And this belief I will never forsake!

But the path I have walked my life-long-day,
Was bred into me from a child,
And now, well I am starting to question it,
I would guess, that it's ok, it's allowed?
The religion I am, or feel I was,
I am no more, and I think that's sad,
But the thing is this, I won't be judged!
Because as a person, I'm not that bad!

Now the reasons are many, this is true,
But one in particular upsets me!
And that's the one where I am judged,
To be an adulteress, for I'm not you see!
They say there may be dispensations,
In all the different faiths, I have to add…
And because of abuse, this is one of them,
Does this make me so horrible, and bad?

You see, they say it has to be physical,
But abuse is abuse physical or mental,
So should I be judged for that? I think not!
And I don't think I should be sent to hell!
Now I look at it like this you know!
God didn't want me to live in that state,
Dreading every day, fearing attack!
And living amongst such dreadful hate!

Would God want to punish me for leaving?
Divorcing that kind of a man and life?
And should I forever be treated that way?
And have stayed as a badly abused wife?
So you see, I am at a crossroads,
I turmoil as to what I should do!
Because as ‘my' religion deems me bad,
Other religions wouldn't do that to me too!

So what do I do, at these crossroads?
And how do we know what religious life is right?
Others say it's them! And we are all wrong,
And it makes me think, in the dark of night!
I think on what others believe, and say,
And wonder about this path I tread,
Will I boil in hells fire, for my belief?
On my judgement day; when I'm dead?

So I asked of God the other night,
As I said my prayers to Him, as I do…
If He'd forgive me if the path I walk were wrong?
As others around me seem not to do?
I believe my church is in my heart,
Isn't that the one that I should be true?
And follow my God and the way that He shows,
In the hope that we will follow Him to!

So I am in turmoil at this time,
And I really don't know what way to go…
Should I stay as I am, in the hope this is right?
For on judgement day, surely we'll know?

‘So I will just have to go with my heart,
And believe in you my God; as I do…
Using the church in my heart and soul,
In the hope it will lead me to you!'

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