just thoughts 

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 Death Defines Me

I used to think that what I do with my life is what gives it meaning,
But thinking back into the timeless past, I see the structure of my life.
The blocks that construct me seem to be built not by sweat and toil,
But instead, by the moments that are suspended in time when someone dear
Passes on to the next life, leaving me behind to deal with the loss and the pain.
This powerful creative moment of separation as death defines me.

I can rail against the fates or question God's infinite wisdom.
I can become bitter as I build walls to protect me from another loss.
I can try to capture the memories of the loved one and trap them inside.
I can refuse to allow God's healing to flow by having anger towards Him.
I can crush the love within my heart and hide with my curtains drawn.
I can chose to live in this empty home as death defines me.

The questions and the anger that rise up in my heart are natural to man.
I wonder how that this loss is for the best , this cannot be justified in my head.
Here I stand bewildered, I ask God, how can this be? Why?... Just take me instead!
But no answer echoes back from the valley that I'm now in, I have a broken heart.
This pain is greater as each day passes, I separate myself from the love of my God.
His grace is present,  but I refuse to see that death defines me.

I open ever so slightly the door of my heart one lonely day, and God's love rushes in.
The tears of separation  are transformed, as the seed of joy is planted in my heart.
I still have my questions, and I always will; I still feel that huge gulf of separation;
But I now begin to understand that my life is in the gentle hands of the Almighty.
His compassion embraces me, He understands my feeling of loss.
The seed of joy is growing as death defines me.

As the time passes the walls I built have now been torn down,
Though I'll never really understand  the why's of this universal question.
God is assisting me to become stronger as I open myself to His grace,
His power upholds me this very instant as each breath enters my lungs.
I can live again with an open heart helping others who are struggling with loss.
I carry that love of God to others as I now know that death defines me.


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