I'm Mr. Rudolf's defense Attorney,
Bambee Buckshot
I will prove beyond a reasonable
Doubt, that my client Rudolf Rednose,
Is the real victim in this case,
My client is innocent by reason of
Severe and ongoing emotional abuse,
Afflicted upon him by each of
Santa's reindeer, and for my
First witness, I call Santa Clause
To the stand.
To be continued after the courts recess.
continueing
Court is now in session and Santa is questioned by
Rudolfs defense attorney,
Are you THE "Santa Clause" of the north Pole?
Yes I'm Santa Clause,
Do you also go by the alas of Kris Kringle and
St. Nick,
Yes, I have many names in different languages,
Please state your occupation for the court,
I'm a delivery man.
Mr. Clause, how long have you been at your
present occupation?
400 years
And how many reindeer do you have in your employee
9
And would you say that Rudolf had a good working
relationship with the other reindeer?
No he did not,
And what would you say Rudolf's
relationship was, with the other reindeer?
Rudolf detested the other reindeer,
And why was it that he detested them, Mr Clause?
they treated him like dirt because of his nose,
and his position as lead reindeer.
I have no further questions at this time your honor.
Cross examination by the prosecuting
attorney begins,
Mr Claus, you stated that you have been
delivering toys for 300 years,
Would you say that you enjoy your work?
Well of course, why else would I do it
for 300 years.
Isn't it true Mr. Clause, that in reality
you hated your job and the reindeer,
and would have done anything to be
free of them?
No no, well "um "ah, I love making kids
happy, seeing their little faces all aglow,
I read every letter they send to me at
the North Pole, all children love me, they
love me more than their own parents, I'm
the most important person in the entire
world to them.
Isn't it true Mr. Clause, that you paid
Rudolf handsomely, to shoot the other
reindeer for you?
S A N T A I S S I L E N T
Prosecuting Attorney, This is a relevant question
Your honor, would you please instruct the
witness to answer.
Defense Attorney
Bambee Buckshot, your honor I object! council
is badgering the witness.
Overruled, Mrs. Buckshot, the witness
is instructed
to answer the question,
Santa breaks completely down in tears,
and begins to tell of the circumstances
concerning the shooting of the reindeer.
You have no idea how awful it is to
be seated behind 8 reindeer, after they've
been celebrating the holiday for weeks,
before the grueling all night trip,
It's disgusting,completely revolting
and the constant taunts about my weight
my clothes, my age, always threatening
a strike, wanting more money and benefits
the constant pressure really wore on me,
I was nearing a complete break down,
Going down sewage pipes, thinking they
were chimneys, giving little Jenny an athletic
supporter, and Billy a training bra,
The cold air and freezing snow at my age,
with arthritis was killing me, Mrs. Clause
was spending too much time with the Elf's,
I couldn't take it another year,
I watched how they had treated
Rudolf for 300 years, I knew he hated
them as much as I did, I had
already bought a 747 furnished
with all the bells and whistles,
including a hot tub,
My life would have been so much easier
delivering the gifts, that's when I
approached Rudolf, about making the
Reindeer go away,
yes, I put together
a nice retirement package for him,
but he would have done it for nothing,
those reindeer we're animals I tell you,
Animals (Santa is sobbing)
Your honor the state rests it's case.
The Judge,
Mr. Clause, your bail will be set at $1.00 in this
matter due to extenuating circumstances,
Santa must be able to deliver the toys to
thwart global hysteria, court is adjourned,
Santa pays his bail and is released
with a global tether and instructed not
to leave the universe.
Rudolf is now to be tried in a separate trial,
and is seeking a dream team, Attorneys
interested in defending Mr. Rudolf are
instructed to submit their resume to
him within 7 days.
Anyone who reads this story, that is civic minded,
has never been convicted of a felony, has no prejudice
against deer or fat jolly men who give gifts,
are asked to serve on the jury in these case's,
and will be sequestered until a verdict can
be reached.
What do you think the the verdict should be
for Santa and Rudolf ? please submit your unbiased opinions
in writing to the the 9th deerstrict court by December 24th.
