Beautiful Disaster

Paradoxical Me

I'm beginning to learn
And I'm starting to see
That all that I am
Contradicts me

On the outside I may look confident
And I may appear to shine so bright
But inside I feel so meek
Childishly clutching a night light.
How it happens
I'll never know
That light I find so insignificant
Has a such a far reaching glow

I convey a mentality
Far beyond my years
But my heart is more innocent
Than most of my peers
I understand more
The most girls my age
And their ignorance fills me
With uncontrollable rage
Yet I'd rather calm down
With a trip to the playground
To swing away the sorrows
Until there are none to be found

I'm overly trusting
But I trust no one
My naive and broken heart
Will no longer be won
I'll tell you all my secrets
But in the usual way
I'll probably never believe
Anything you say
Even if you tell me
All night and all day

I'm compassionate and caring
I want to make it right
You'd better believe
I'm willing to fight
For what I believe
For what I may see in you
For what I hope you become
For what I know you can do
In each person I see potential
But as for humanity
I can offer only cynicism
To its infinite vanity

I preach against judging
With gavel in hand
As I tear down the accused
And bang down on my stand
As I make a snide remark
And chastise their flaws
I often don't think to investigate
The cause

The grades on the report card
Reflect that I'm quite smart
But all too often I find myself
Following my irrational heart
My perception is skewed
Dominated by hypothetical thought
Often attacked by paranoid imagination
Logic often loses in battles fought

I'm beginning to learn
And I'm starting to see
That all that I am
Contradicts me

But paradoxical me
Is my favorite me to be
And in all honesty
I'm coming to the conclusion
That if I'm happy with me
Then happy I'll be
Even paradoxical

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