so the worlds worst mugger
is stood crying behind a car
'cos his money's in your pocket
and you don't know where you are
so you think you'll go and ask him
for the sake of the pints you shared
and you turn towards him
don't let him know you're scared
but he sees you coming
and he's off with a screech
desperate to get his body
out of your reach
so there you are standing
in this strange part of town
you see is quite deserted
as you look around
but as luck would have it
in your pocket you find
a postcard of peter's bar
you thought you'd left behind
so a few beers later
because you think
before you ask the way
you should buy a drink
you end up right back
where you started out
and ray and glasby and eddie
all greet you with a shout
and when they hear your story
all hoot and laugh with glee
and the next few beers
all come free
and as one man
you all respectfully stand
to toast the world's worst mugger
full glasses in your hands