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Very close shave


The billet door was slammed open wide
The Orderly Sergeant was standing there.
Church Parade!, Church Parade he yelled
Twenty minutes!! Outside on the Square.
As nobody moved he yelled
Rank, Religion and Name
Corporal, Atheist, Staff, I said
Bill Kelly yelled the same.
Now it was the Sunday morning
After a very rough night before;
We had forgotten Ben and Evan
In the beds just by the door.
We'd invited them to the Squadron dance
Let them see a bit of Army life and ways
Something surely for them to remember
Amongst others from their student days.
Too drunk to leave Bill and me
Expansively and generously said
You can stay the night lads
We've got plenty spare beds.
Imagine our horror when we heard
Two nervous voices proclaim
Protestant, Staff, followed
By their own real names.
In the few frantic minutes that followed
We got them dressed, and over the fence
The only action that we could think of
That gave me and Bill a fair chance.
We'd let two civvies
Stay all that night
Top Secret establishment
Wouldn't be thought right
We told the Orderly Sergeant
They'd gone off to the parade
The most crucial lie
I had to date made.
I still remember with horror
The events of that day.
If we'd have been caught
They'd have thrown the keys away.
The most successful army career
Can soon come to be naught
By breaking the commandment
Thou shalt not get caught.














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