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" TIME OF MY LIFE "

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IN MY JEANS...

*****PLEASE CLICK ON ARROW FOR MUSIC****
WHEN I WAS ABOUT 9 YEARS OLD, I PICKED UP A GLASS OF ALCOHOL AT ONE OF MY PARENTS PARTIES AND I GOT BEAT...

THAT DID NOT STOP ME BY THE TIME, I WAS 14 I WAS A FULL BLOWN ALCOHOLIC AND DID NOT KNOW IT, A BLACKOUT DRINKER...

I BLAME NO ONE, I MADE THE DECISIONS TO DRINK, AND DRINK I DID LIKE A FISH...

I MASKED ALL MY HURTS OF GROWING UP IN AN ALCOHOLIC FAMILY, I ALWAYS FELT LIKE IT WAS MY FAULT WHEN MY PARENTS FOUGHT BECAUSE OF ME, I ALWAYS FELT LIKE I DID SOMETHING WRONG, I ALWAYS FELT DIFFERENT THAN ANY ONE ELSE...

I HAD NO CLUE WHY I DID SO POORLY IN SCHOOL, YET I DID KNOW I HAD LEARNING DISABILITIES...

I TRIED TO BE THE BEST CHILD IN THE FAMILY, BUT BEING A BABY OF THE FAMILY, I WAS OFTEN OVER SHADOWED, SO I THOUGHT...

ALCOHOL THE DRUG TOOK ME PLACES I DID NOT WANT TO GO, I CAN NOT EVEN TELL YOU WERE SOME OF THOSE PLACES WERE AND WHAT I DID...

ONCE YOU CROSS OVER THE IMAGINARY LINE OF HAVING SO CALLED FUN WITH DRINKING, TOO WHEN IT BECOMES A MUST TO STOP THE SHAKES IS SAD, YOU STOP GROWING MENTALLY AND PHYSICALLY...

I REMEMBER FEELING SO ALONE ALWAYS, I COULD WALK INTO A BAR FILLED WITH PEOPLE AND FEEL SO ALONE...

WALKING INTO A BAR, ON A HOT SUNNY DAY, TAKING MY SUNGLASSES OFF AS I ENTERED INTO THAT DARK BAR, WITH ALCOHOL AND WHATEVER ELSE THAT STUCK TO THE FLOOR SQUINTING MY EYE'S TO ADJUST TO THE DARKNESS, AND THAT AWFUL SMELL...

IF I WOULD HAVE CONTINUED ON MY DESTRUCTIVE PATH, THE DRUG ALCOHOL WOULD OF KILLED ME IN MY 30'S, BUT WE ALL GET ON THE ELEVATOR ON THE 12TH. FLOOR, YOU DECIDE WERE YOU WANT TO GET OFF, I KNOW SOME WHO GOT OFF ON THE 11TH. 10, ALL THE WAY DOWN TO 1, I GOT OFF IN THE SUB BASEMENT, OTHERS TOOK IT ALL THE WAY DOWN...

MY BODY BEGAN TO START TO SHUT DOWN ON ME, I KNEW I HAD TO STOP DRINKING, AND I DID THAT IN 1993, I WHITE KNUCKLED IT FOR 7 MONTHS, WENT THROUGH ALL THE DT'S, SICKNESS, SWEATS, CHILLS, ALL OF IT, IT WAS NOT EASY WORKING A FULL TIME JOB, BUT EARLY ON I TOLD WORK I NEEDED TO COME INTO WORK AN HOUR LATER IN THE AM, SO I COULD GO TO A 12 STEP PROGRAM THAT STARTED AT 7:30AM, THEY SAID TAKE 2, THEY KNEW, WE USUALLY ARE THE LAST TO FIND OUT WE HAVE A PROBLEM...

WHEN IT WAS TIME TO SEE THE JUDGE, I HAD ALREADY WENT TO THE PROGRAM, ADMITTED I HAD A PROBLEM AND HAD A DESIRE TO STOP DRINKING, THAT WAS MY IN...

I GOT A SPONSOR AND WAS WORKING THE STEPS, SO THE JUDGE TOOK IT EASY ON ME AND REALLY SLAPPED ME ON THE WRIST...

THIS BAD TREND STARTED ALMOST 10 YEARS PRIOR WHEN I WAS 23, I WENT TO 1 OF THOSE MANDATED MEETINGS, AND SOME OLD TIMER SAID YOU ARE TO YOUNG TO BE AN ALCOHOLIC, THAT'S ALL I NEEDED TO HEAR, I WAS OFF AND RUNNING FROM MYSELF ALL OVER AGAIN...

I WAS COMPARING MYSELF TO EVERYONE I SAW OR HEARD IN THE ROOMS, NOT A GOOD MOVE, IF YOU MAKE IT TO A 12 STEP PROGRAM, IDENTIFY WITH WHOMEVER IS TALKING, BECAUSE YOU WILL NEVER HEAR SOME1 TELL YOUR STORY, MAYBE CLOSE, BUT NOT EXACTLY...

OUT OF 10 MANDATED PEOPLE 1 MIGHT STAY AND GET SOME GOOD TIME IN, THE REST WILL NOT EVEN STAY,
THEY KILL THEMSELVES WITH ALL THE GUILT OF THERE PAST WRECKAGE, SOME WILL KILL INNOCENT PEOPLE, AND END UP IN THE IRON HOUSE, OR BE SENT TO A NUT HOUSE...

THE REHABS TODAY OUT OF 40 PEOPLE, 1 MIGHT STAY, THAT IS TRULY SAD...
HOW DO I KNOW THIS, I VOLUNTEER MY TIME AT PLACES LIKE THAT, TO SHARE MY EXPERIENCE, STRENGTH, AND HOPE, AND WHEN I LEAST EXPECT SOMEONE WALKS UP TO ME AND SAYS HELLO, OR I SEE A YOUNG GIRL GET HER 1 YEAR PIN TO WHOM, I HAD THE HONOR TO TALK TO AND TRY AND SHOW THEM HOPE...

THAT'S HOW IT WORKS...

NOT A LOT OF OPTIONS...

HOWEVER;MILLIONS, HAVE TURNED THEIR LIVES AROUND AND COMMITTED THEMSELVES TO THE WORD CHANGE, AND A WHOLE LOT OF OTHER WORDS, IF YOU WANT YOU CAN DO THE SAME...

I HAVE NO REGRETS, MY LIVE HAS TURNED A COMPLETE CIRCLE FOR THE BETTER, I RE LEARNED HOW TO LIVE MY LIFE, AND THIS TIME, I HAD FREE CHOICES ON HOW I WAS GOING TO DO THIS AND STILL DO...

EVERYDAY MY LIFE GETS BETTER, EVERYDAY I CHANGE, AND I AM A POSITIVE PERSON, SPIRITUALLY FIT, AND HAVE A STRONG FAITH IN THE HIGHER POWER CALLED THE GOD OF MY UNDERSTANDING, THE SAME AS EVERYONE ELSE'S GOD, ALL ARE EQUAL AS ARE ALL THE 4 RACES OF THIS BEAUTIFUL WORLD, THE RED, YELLOW, BLACK, AND WHITE...

I AM NOT GREATER THAN MY BROTHERS OR SISTERS, I AM EQUAL...

I AM VERY GRATEFUL, I NEVER INJURED ANYONE AS I DROVE DRUNK, THE BIGGEST PERSON I HURT WAS MYSELF AND A WHOLE LOT OF OTHER PEOPLE I AM STILL MAKING AMENDS TOO...

**** IF YOU KNOW SOMEONE WHO HAS A ALCOHOL OR OTHER DRUG PROBLEM OR PROBLEMS, TELL ME THEIR NAMES, AND PHONE NUMBERS, I AM AVAILABLE TO THESE PEOPLE 24X7=365 DAYS A YEAR 24 HOURS A DAY...

I WILL TALK TO THEM AS LONG AS THEY ARE SOBER AND OR STRAIGHT, AND TRY MY BEST TO STEER THEM IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION, 300 PEOPLE IN MY CELL ARE MOSTLY SPONSEES'S, OR FRIENDS, FAMILY IN 2 - 12 STEP PROGRAM'S THAT I BELONG... 1 IS CALLED "WALKING ON THE RED ROAD OF WELLBRIETY" I HAVE BEEN WALKING ON THAT ROAD WELL OVER 2 YEARS AND LOVING LIFE...



Copyright©Samoth




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IN MY JEANS...


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