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The House Of Hell…!


Yes it is you know…me flat!
It's really the house of hell!
As soon as you open the door,
You can really sorta tell!
It got no wood round the bath,
And there's holes all over the floor!
And what a shock guess what!
There aint no wood round the door!
The door's only got one hinge,
And the handles in the bath,
So if you're fellin' a little sad,
Visit me and have a laugh!

The window frames don't fit the window's,
And they aint even against the wall,
And every time the wind blows…
You can hear the howling from the hall!
 Me fire was leakin' fumes,
And the room was as cold as ice,
Couldn't get it warm at all,
It wasn't very nice.
Then one day the telly went off,
And I had to fix the socket,
But as I stood before the window,
The wind blew at me like a rocket!

The window frame aint against the wall,
And the wind was howlin' through!
No wonder I can't get the room warm!
I didn't know what to do!
So I thought I better tell me landlord,
Andy is his name…
And he's always very busy you know,
Cos collectin' money is his game!

So I left a message on his phone,
And told him of my plight,
I said; ‘Andy, I need rescuing!'
Cos I'm freezin' every flippin' night!
The small bedroom window keeps fallin' out…
Of the frame that keeps it there,
Last year it fell right out,
And hit me head, now that aint fair!
The wood keeps comin' outa the skirtin' boards,
The nails just won't stay in place,
I really have to say it,
This house is a flippin' discrace!

I tried to fill the gaps up in the wall,
But the foam went sorta wrong,
I didn't put it in right,
And I left it to dry for much too long!
So now its filled the wall in,
But its stuck all over the floor,
As solid as a rock it is,
Gawd, I just can't take no more!
‘Andy!!!!'  I shouted the other night,
When the wind blew me window outa the frame!
I can't get it to stay, and I'm wastin' me time,
Cos the window's fell out again!!!!

Anyway, what was I sayin'?
Oh, yes, about the house of hell!
When anyone comes to visit me,
They know where it is…they can tell!
Cos it's the one that's got no windows,
And the one that's fallin' apart!
And there I'll be, every night,
Tryin' to fix me broken heart!




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