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Is it Worth It?
There are times when I'm lured into a world of fantasies in my mind;
It seems harmless and pleasant enough, I allow my mind to run and play.
My thoughts enter into a created phantom that tantalizes my senses;
I am separated from the reality of life and immersed into this role play.
The time is passed and I have fun frolicking in fields of the world's acclaim;
I am larger than life in this created world, totally desirable to be known.
The world lifts me onto their collective shoulders, I am worthy of praise!
This swirl of this fantasy passes; I am once again me; I ask,
“Is it worth it?”
The trinkets and baubles that this unreal fantasy leaves heaped upon me,
Memories of something that is completely false, without any basis in fact.
But most importantly, there is a separation from my inner being for a while;
As it seems that my soul cannot co-exist with this absence of reality.
I am completely alone within my heart for a bit while the embers of this lie fade;
For even after the fantasy is gone there flares up unsolicited false memories.
My restless mind is aroused once again after my disciplined effort is undermined;
Separation from the reality of the moment is the fruit; I ask,
“Is it worth it?”
My life has once again relinquished its hold on this present moment awareness.
I feel adrift in the bay of contentment, without my anchor holding my position.
Focus is without a clear point of reference, my balance is askew for a time;
This bitter fruit of separation I must remember for the next battle with fantasy.
For my spiritual efforts in taming this pesky mind are compromised once again;
Now is time to surrender into the moment without the regrets of my failures.
It is the regrets themselves that serve to usher in this unruliness within my thoughts;
Forgive myself, learn the lesson, and remember the question that I ask,
“Is it worth it?”
8Feb08
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