My life's a mess
I am worried
I am crying
I need to do more
Than be crying;

Because I am old
Because I feel ugly
Because I am wrong
Because my baby boy is almost 28
Because my grand children love me
Because I will soon lose my job
Because my clients could be abused
Because I need my Mommy
Because I am depressed
Because people talk to me
Because it is a cruel world
Because life is not fair
Because I am human
Because I am a poet
Because I am a Pisces
Because I am a mermaid
Because I was a victim of incest
Because I survived 8 years of domestic violence
Because I do not take care of myself
Because I want to die
Because I am sick in the tummy
Because I am a baby
Because the rituals you miss kill you
Because I want a good husband to protect me
Because no man will want me as I see inside me
Because life sucks
Because I am on the pity pot crying and crying
Because the tears flow
Because my eyes hurt
Because my face is puffy
Because no one is home
Because I need to dance to God
Because who in the hell cares anyway
Because my momma has been in heaven for 30 years now
Because my birds are squawking at my bawling
Because my dogs know I am sad
Because I need his arms around me
Because I am sorry for my many indiscretion's
Because love is not like Adam and Eve and I am from no man's rib
Because I want to be a wall like in the Song of Solomon
Because I see myself as dead already
Because I was told poetry is not my thing by one I tried to befriend
Because I always cast my pearls before swine
Because there is a devil
Because once after 7 days with little sleep I saw his red face
Because I should have died at 20 went I rolled my VW 3 times
Because I should have died at 6 in a canal
Because I should have died a thousand deaths now by my souls age
Because my life spirit goes on and on and I believe it
Because this is my horrible weather forecast
Because writing it away is my self-talk therapy
Because I have to learn to be my own loving parent
Because my mind moves in mysterious ways
Because I am feeling better already
Because then I start bawling through the tears
Because I want him so bad
Because he is my friend and I hurt him
Because because because because because it's all too much sometimes

Yummy these tears
They will leave eventually
That is one thing about old age
The time moves the crying to something better
It will heal the deepest darkness if you let it out
It is good to eat my tears for lunch it's fine
To dine on their salty salt is not my fault
Or anyone's-It's just part of God's work being done
To let me know and understand I am too much woman for any man.

8/9/2009 1220 cj

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