Heart Songs - To The Heart I Have Broken ... Suicide

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To The Heart I Have Broken ... Suicide

August 19, 2009

This is a true love story
gone oh so wrong!

I feel such sadness each time I
reread or repost what you are
about to view below.

I knew and respected
the man that I somehow feel
found a way to express what
you are about to read.

This was first posted
in the year 2007.
Over the years it has found
many poetic homes.

It is reposted when it is
brought to mind and usually
because I feel there is a need
for this message to be heard.

It was written just after
my dear friend found her fiance'
lying on their living room sofa
after taking his own life.

This wrote itself in the beginning.

Almost as if Bill were giving me
these words to give to Pam.

The words came so fast
and so clearly I am still not sure
who truly is the author of
this write.

Suicide is never an answer.
There is no greater pain that
you could leave behind for
someone you love
than these words . . .

''If only I had seen''

Lesa

To The Heart I Have Broken

If, I can reach to you
and tell you I am sorry
for the pain I have caused . .

Please, hear me

If I could tell you why I chose to end my life
and leave behind you and Dylan
the only two souls
that ever mattered to me . . .

I would first
have to understand that myself.

I know you feel my presence.

I need for you to know I am near,
and that somehow, in this wondrous
beyond, I have found a way
to try to reach you.

There are no more inner conflicts.
There is no more pretending.
There are no more secrets that I must
try to hide from the world.

But . . .

There is now the eternal sadness
of what I have left behind
for you to face alone.

The realization of
what I have done to you
is a heartbreak I feel
even here.

You realized the heartbreaks
that I suffered in what was my life.

It was you, who tried to make me realize
that my life had true value.

It is you, that within this eternity
I will always love.

I wish for you only happiness.
If no one can reach you but myself,
I must somehow find a way to make you hear me.

You are not the cause
of what I have done.
I did not think
through the consequence
of what I have left for you to live.

For that I am truly sorry.

Do not live your life in regret
of what you think you should have seen,
or what you think you could
have done differently.

Be wise. Be strong.

Love again, but choose carefully with
your eyes open to all that
could become your life.

Do not too swiftly choose
because of the fear of being alone.

You are not alone.

I was many things in my lifetime.
Many of those things you have
found out about only after my passing,

and you love me still . . .

with the same love
that was sometimes so hard
for me to believe was real
but now
is so plainly seen.

You closed your eyes to what
you did not want to see.
your heart, to what
you did not want to feel.

Be wise my darling,
and when you love again,
love with both your heart
AND your intuition.

I will always be nearby.
The best, of who you saw of me,
will love you for all eternity.

It was you, and you alone,
that made me realize that there was
a spark of truth to the person
that I portrayed to the world as me.
If only the pretending had
not gone on for so long.

There was just so much
to put behind me
to become the person
that I could have been.

The old person that was myself
needed to escape, but unwisely
I felt that it could not be done
in what is now your world.

If I had known the hurt
this would cause you
I would have thought
things through far more clearly.

My earthly cares now
put aside to live eternity
knowing how deeply I have hurt you.

I have absolutely no regrets
that I saw, if only for a while,
the person you saw me to be.

There is never any true logic
for a decision such as I have made.

The decision was made.
There is now no turning back.

You touched me with you gentleness,
your understanding, and your love.
You loved me unconditionally
(if not sometimes unwisely)
and even when you thought of leaving,
I know it broke your heart.

I know that you loved me
with your entire being.

It is now time for you
to truly realize
that you were not the cause
of this ending.

Remember me for what I truly
wanted to be in my lifetime.
Please know, that it was you,
that gave me the reason
to want those things.

I loved you in the world
that is now your future.

I love you in the eternity
that is now mine.

Go forward. Love wisely.
There is happiness
to be found by you.

~ Please ~

Seek it with my blessing.

Bill

Pam, herself, looks so much
like the above illustration.
She not only looks like this young woman
but as I was writing this, I felt so
strongly the pain thru the miles
that separted us.

These word just came . . .

A little eerie and not fully understood
the ''How''
but over the years of reposting this
I have come to understand
the ''Why.''

Please, if someone is reading this
that is contemplating taking their own life,
there are other alternatives.

Don't be left to try to reach
the one you left behind with

''I am so sorry''

Posted By: UN4GETABLEFOX
on September 9, 2004

Dear Lesa,

Thank you for reposting this again
for all to view.

For those who are contemplating
or know someone who may be
considering suicide,
PLEASE read these words....
these words that I believe
were meant for myself.

It has been two long years,
and despite the advice from all,
its very hard to forget.

Woulda, shoulda, coulda....
too late for that.

The memories and the pain will fade,
but the love will never go away.

Love,
Pam

Aspiring Angel

To The Heart I Have Broken ... Suicide

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