Separated and all on my own,
A void, an emptiness of being alone.
My life once felt busy and full of noise,
I shared his whole life and was close to his boys.
At first I was unaware of the baggage he had,
Wife, children, vasectomy, debt it was bad!
I decided to accept him warts and all,
but when I heard about past violence, no-one could prepare me for the fall.
He was already sharing my flat; a holiday in site,
Three times he got angry which gave me a fright.
I would soon forgive him and look for the good,
I asked my friends whether to end it.. they all said I should.
I guess over time his company felt great,
I felt I could tell him everything like a bonified mate.
I soon started to see there was two sides to this man,
One said I couldn't, the other said I can.
The decision was hard but I needed to separate the two,
There was too much conflict and differing views.
For the sake of my safety, I had to move on,
but my life feels so empty now he has gone.
My mind is like 'tug of war', thoughts of good and bad,
When I think of the time I have wasted I feel deflated and sad.
I can't trust anyone with my feelings they betray me or leave,
My life's one long funeral, where is Wendy I grieve.
Is Wendy my name or an identity cover,
My dad's inconsistent and dead is my mother.
Where do I fit in this construction of life,
Sadness, death, mistrust, emptiness and strife.
Who am I, who am I, who am I,
I look to the sky.
I believe if I think hard enough I will uncover the why's.
Why is my life so fragmented and grey,
Why have I been through what I have been through to this day.
If life's like a chessboard and this is a game,
I will announce you the winner before im insane.
I'm not competitive, materialistic, or malicious you see,
I just want a simple life; a life of valuing me.
You see alone im not open to these pains in my heart,
I feel failed in relationships and have to restart.
I'm bored with the mind games that life dishes out,
It makes me want to scream, it makes me want to shout.
So not just separated from my partner but pissed off with life,
My heart is not up to its constant strife.
As I see it, my life started from one big mistake,
Which soon filled up with deceitful people all on the take.
I'm looking for peace, a resolution you see,
Hence, why I am putting myself through therapy.
I have to be in it to win it, and be part of this game,
because if I don't, I will surely go insane!