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Have not went to your house in awhile
We do not make each other smile
They say there's not two halves
Making a whole
That's what I need for my soul
Feeling anger inside and bitter
I can be a quitter
Of loving too
If I feel I will never be
All yours through and through
That is what happens
For only so long
You can take the rap on
Of the thing that is missing
And you give up on the kissing
Because you are never going to be his wife
And living this way is killing the life
You once had inside
Before you took a ride
On the uncommitted train
Where the security you thought you might gain
Doesn't come
And once again you're dumb
In love
Calling to the Lord above
Just to say you
Not to blame you
For the constant seeking of a father figure
In your life
One for whom you could learn to be a wife
Or at least a live-in lover
Who will wear a ring
Maybe that would make you sing
Should I just be independent and end it
The time we started there so long ago
Has become a place
Where I don't want to go
Because there's nothing really anymore
When you leave my door
And I don't come over now
I just cannot bring myself to connect with you some how
Because you turned me down so many times
I wrote here so many rhymes
Of how you hurt me over and over
While I continued to be your lover
And I cannot do it anymore
And the sex I have not
Been  locked in a fantasy of thought
You have been my friend somewhat
I just feel we both are caught
In something bad for both of us
You've lost my passion
Lost my trust
With living with her all those years
Not caring about all my tears
Just thinking I am fanatic
Someone who is manic
Over her guy living
With another woman
While she's giving
Out the head
I was behind
Even if you didn't sex her
And it was blind
And again I should know
A man to never trust again
I am filled with sin
Accepted by the God of man
He is the only one to take a stand
With me
Above me
The only one who is always here
To love me
I thank you God
Though I am odd
It is a blessing
That I come to you confessing
What is on my mind
Only to find
It always leads me back to you
The only man who's stayed with me
My whole life through...

9/26/2009 2328PDT cj

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