Through My Eyes
I don't write, I feel. I have tried to have conversations with people verbally and I never either get my point across, or actually end up saying something the way it should have been, leaving the rest of my day towards nothing but a chaotic junkyard full of everyone's one minded taunts.
This isn't my hobby, nor a talent, or career even at that. This is how I speak, this is my voice, and this is my heard and mind, most importantly, this is my life.
My poems rhyme, some do yes, but I don't really think about it. For me to be able to get my thoughts, feelings, and perspectives, I have to sit literally close my eyes, and envision myself and all I am at that time letting go of what makes me so vulnerable to society, to separate myself from insecurities in hopes it will keep me from "giving in" to people and being used and mistreated over and over again. I don't like to think about what The final product would be or have a certain plan in mind, I usually don't even go back to touch it up and soften the rough spots, because if I did, I feel anyways, that it would be a form of changing or erasing a part of me that meant something at one point.
I usually do, however focus more, and think sometimes, on my endings, because that, to me, is the most delicate part, the last word and your chance to belt out what you have to say to the world.
I want to publish my poetry journal, without any editorial services at all, I want to be heard by all the way my heart decided to say it. I don't care if you don't like my work, but i want to know, because i feel criticism is an important aspect of this area of creativity, however at the same time, I feel that no one has the right to say what's good or bad, only because you can't tell someone their feelings are wrong! (however, spelling can be wrong and stuff, but not the general thoughts or poem itself, does that make sense?)
I have been trying for the last five years to turn my real life based poem "Beautiful Runaway" into a very similar (yet fictionalized) novel, with the same title, I have the storyline all thought out wonderfully and memorized the intro by syllables even but I can't seem to get past writing the first chapter, and for those of you who had asked me before, yes, I wanted "Beautiful Runaway" To be a song from the day I wrote it, I have a certain tune in my head for the chorus part, but the verses (in my head i mean, i don't write music) are more bland. It is something I've always wanted to do though! So any of you who want to take it and see if you can put it to music and tune, be my guest! If I like it and it sends the right vibe, then we can work something out, and all music right will be yours as long as you understand all rights to the words are mine, and wont allow anyone to plagiarize it, as this poem is the closest to my heart.
