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 A girl with many stories "i love you all."

I can't let my guard down
The fear of getting hurt
Not receiving the love I give back
I have to see things with clear eyes
I over think and over analyse every fine detail
I fear not being able to express myself
I'm scared of being in a one sided relationship
I'm afraid of ending up how I was before
Please forgive me, but I can love myself
It just takes me time to trust
I cannot just love blindly
I'm not like those other women that like to waste your time
I know what I like and want, but I'll always improvise
It takes me a while, but if I let my guard down please promise me you won't burn me leaving me to rebuild myself from the ashes
Then if you try to look for me I won't be the same person you burned before
I see things in my dreams and it makes me wonder what's going through people's minds
Why do they come to me in my dream state
I see you're guarded and also afraid
I see you are hurt, but so am I you must understand
This is nobody's fault and its just how the story goes
We got to make the best of life and learn to love and care for every living soul
I know I'm guarded and seem impatient, but who waits this long?
Only someone who really loves and cares about you
Then eventually they give up because there's no hope or reciprocation
They're left out in the cold and all alone without a care in the world
Nobody even understands their pain unless you're in their shoes
They deny love, but it doesn't mean they don't want it its just easier to lie so you don't think about it
My hurt is different to others, I been through so much trauma and if you actually listened it will break your heart
It's easier for me to be strong than to keep repeating my past to everyone
It's easier to forget it until it resurfaces, but I'm better at dealing with my pain
My soul and heart is sensitive and it all started at 14 years old when I kept missing my dad
Wishing he were so I could hold him and talk to him
He wasn't coming back and I felt there was no hope
Until I was constantly rescued and then I realised who I am aged 19 and what my aim was
I'm still here and fighting day after day
I do care for love It's just easier not to
I know if I fall in love I'll always give more
So I gave myself to humanity
Nobody ever came to me to prove their worth or love
So I didn't want it and chose God, myself and humanity
My guard I know will come down when the time is right







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