shelf of Sanctuary
Put me back on the shelf when you're finished,
because that is where I belong,
its where I'm meant to be
I'm no one special,
I don't know why you even bothered
to look at me!
For so many years, un-countable,
I've sat here for all to see,
part of this house's furniture
tacit understanding, never questioned
taken for granted I'll always be here
every minute, every day,
year after lonely year
Once I might have been of value
but those days were soon gone.
Once the paper was signed the ring was on
I became a token, a possession owned
not for me the shiny glass cabinet, for all to admire
I was confined to the darkness of insignificance,
not something to be shown
a wife, a mother, nothing special, nothing new
no different from thousands of others
but I was withheld from public view
criticised, ridiculed, something to mock
even the clothes I wore,
was something to control and knock
I became a nobody, a nothing, no speciality
devalued, humiliated, made to feel insignificant and small
nothing ever suited, nothing I did he liked
just someone to cook food, keep house, care for kids
and be in all ways HIS wife!”
my hobbies took me away from him,
explains why they became a source of chagrin
my writing was condemned, a waste of time
“You'll never become anyone, and who'll read them anyway?”
Those words cut like a knife that day
It never occurred to me to ever reach for freedom
I never looked for a way out
I buried myself deep inside, hid away my tears
controlled my feelings, built a high walled dam
lived each day for what it brought,
never questioned, never thought
never dared to look beyond the wall
I became like thousands of others,
locked within the family's beck and call
a nobody, of little worth
Gathering dust amongst the rest of the clutter
with only a cursory flick of a feathered duster
it helped to keep the spiders at bay
did I think I'd live to see myself this way?
I stopped praying many years ago
my spirits were at rock bottom
I was as low as I could go
then one day something magical happened!
I never believed it could happen to me
I was picked up, dusted off
put in a place of priority
helped to shine again
I began to see a way out
a chance
to gain my liberty
It was then in a moment of clarity
I understood
only I could release me
I set the wheels in motion
unleashed the chains that bound
let off the brakes and let myself go
SO?
where am I today?
I'm free,
I'm me,
and happy to be
Still on a shelf,
one I built
a place of safety
granted, also a place of familiarity
but now there is a difference
now I am someone
on show, or not,
the choice is mine
every now and then I'm taken down
dusted off,
held by tender loving hands
I'm adored
I'm admired,
I'm caressed
not owned,
not possessed
so put me back when you've finished
don't forget to return me
to where I'm meant to be
my self imposed shelf of sanctuary
Jayc
26th march 2012
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