I woke,
Abruptly!
One thought in my head
that he is dying, if not already dead,
How would I know?
Panic, the constriction in my chest,
tightness,
the air heaving
as I, deeply breathing
pushed those thoughts away.
Lying there!
Take control!
Breathe.
So many lost
this is another, one more!
I'll cope as I have before
but will I?
None have been this close
no-one has ever been allowed in
like him
Had I been dreaming?
Was the shock of waking too abrupt?
feeling a black heaviness within
I've felt the shutters slowly lowering
the blinds are mostly down,
closing
shutting out
guarding my heart
In my mind's eye
a box
frugal, sparse are its contents
mementoes
love's forbidden yearnings,
grabbed moments of happiness and joy.
tokens
meaningless to anyone
which is why he's returned them to me.