How much will you miss me?

How much will you miss me?" I asked.
"I'll miss you this much," you replied,
Holding out your fingers, implying very little.
I smiled faintly, and gave you a big hug,
Acting like I was okay with how little
You care about me, or how little you'd miss me.
You changed your clothes and walked out,
And at that moment I felt my heart hurting.
It's funny that only a year ago,
I met you by pure coincidence,
And shortly after that day,
I developed crush on you.
Now,a year later, that innocent crush
Has turned into a burning desire,
One that I have absolutely no control of.
I find my day incomplete without the thought of you,
And I find myself unhappy without you.
Every day, I am scared whether or not I will be able to see you,
Because I don't want to appear clingy,
Or may be annoying, or let my feelings show.
But most of all, it's because I don't want to
Like you even more than I already do.
I hate the fact that sometimes I'd wear my hair
A certain way just to get that natural look you like.
I hate how sometimes I'd wear clothes that I'm not into
Just to hear you say, "That outfit is a perfect 10."
I hate how I let myself become so crazily jealous
When you pay more attention to another girl.
I hate how I am doing all the things
I said I would never do for any man
Just so that I could get your attention.
But in the end, I think it's all worth it.
I'd do those things over and over if I could
Hear you tell me how beautiful I am,
That I have made you feel more relaxed,
And that you think I give the best hugs.
Maybe to you, our times together mean nothing,
But to me, the times we share mean everything.
I especially cherish the moments that we're alone,
Sitting there silently together while I watch you work.
Rarely would a person be satisfied in doing nothing,
And the fact that I am able to be so content that way,
It has to mean something. It does mean something.
Sometimes, I hate myself for liking you so much,
For wanting you so badly, for being so infatuated with you.
What I hate even more above everything else
Is that you didn't ask for any of this.
I'm just stupid enough to fall into such a deep hole,
And now the hole has gotten so deep, I can't get out.
I wish you were aware of all these emotions that I have.
I wish you would return half of the feelings I have for you.
I wish you knew how devoted I am to you,
How I compare every single man to you,
How deeply I have fallen for you,
And how much I am going to miss you.
So after reading this, I want to know...
How much will you miss me?

Lubaina

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