I stood laughing at the bar
But so very sad underneath
There's an empty place by me
Reserved for my friend Keith
We were walking to the pub
When wobbling down the road
Came a little garden barrow
With rather a strange load
It was Old Charlie Oates
Being pushed by his lad
Both off to t' pub for pints
A Loving son and dad
Now I never ever knew
Old Charlie had a false limb
I always thought two fleshy legs
Were what supported him
Apparently long years ago
When he was a young randy ram
Escaping from some woman trouble
He was hit by the late night tram
The bones had been shattered
Well beyond reasonable repair
And when they woke old Charlie up
His leg just wasn't there
His secret had been safe
These many years past
But it seemed that
It was coming out at last
His wife had hung his limb
To air on her washing line
From whence it had been nicked
So I sadly had to lend him mine
So my little friend Keith
My little plastic and metal beauty
Is at present away from home
Sort of on attached duty
But happen it's not for long
He'll soon be back with me
Then we'll have some fun
Just you wait and see
Meantime Old Charlie's stood at t'bar
Giving me conspiratorial winks
And every now and then
Paying for me drinks