She said she didn't want another birthday
She had counted and run out of fingers long ago
She said she didn't want a party
People might get burnt from the candles all aglow
She said she might as well go on a diet
Christmas poundage had developed in such a short time
She said she would begin with a total detox
Without food all week would surely be a crime
She said her wardrobe looked like an explosion from the 80's
When she wore leggings to the greatest of acclaim
She said she had tried them on again this year
Though they didn't really suit her generous frame
She said she would meet some friends and try eating like a vegetarian
Mushy lentils clumped up in a heap upon her plate
She said she didn't care about burgers or fish and chips
But without them she was in a hyperventilating state
She said this year she would do her darndest to find herself a husband
Tired of delivering breakfast in bed unto herself
She said she would not break any of those deadly sins
She was quite perplexed at being left alone on a miserable shelf