I watch families
In the movies
In country bars
In shopping malls.
There may be times
When I think
Or fancy myself
As being special
Or unique
But that also
Isolates me
And leaves me,
Alone,
In human terms.
I have sought
This elusive
Thing called
A family.
When one
Announces to
The family
Their uniqueness
My sexuality
Who I choose
To love
My spirituality
And all other
Things
Outside the norm
Such things
Idealistic notions
Evaporate.
First my husband
Freed my heart
Expanded my
Mind and then
Went away
To where
I could not follow.
Then my wife
Abandoned me
For the child
I could not give
Her.
Then my community
Or I had so thought
Who had said
They were better
Than Christians
Did the very
Thing
They professed
Was the hallmark
Of Christian's
They judged
And abandoned
Me,
Leaving me
To the streets,
Twice.
Then two women
Let me believe
It would never
Happen again
Grandchild
Lover…
With plenty.
Sisters.
From all
Silence.
How the mundane
Have these
Families,
Through blood
Through trials
Never to abandon
Nor leave
One of their own
Down
Or
Left behind.
I see how
Those who
Live in the
Darker parts
Of town
Who have
Family.
Ohana.
La Familia.
Fraternity.
Those for whom
They would
Do
Anything
For,
Support,
Encourage…
Die.
And all I know
About the cosmos
Seems as nothing
Beside those
Who are mundane
Who have
Their families.
I have
Individuals
For whom
I love and
Care about,
But they are
A loose bunch
Who may
Or may not
Know one another
Let alone
Call one another
Their kin.
I've been told
I deserve better…
An excuse
For abandoning
A promise…
For abandoning
Me.
I'm still searching
For a heaven on Earth
Called Home
My family.
Mi familia.
My Ohana.
Perhaps
The whole of the earth
Is as small
As it gets
The planet
Is the smallest
Place I could
Call home…
I don't know
Until my heart
Feels at last
At Home.
For now
It is
On the back
Of a comet
In the cosmos
In a necklace
In a Dyson's Sphere
In a Mansion
In a master bedroom
In an art deco
King size
Waterbed
With a family
Of the bodiless
For whom
I will never
Have to fear
What has
Come to pass
With the human
Families of Earth.
