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 271. Ambivalence Again
(inspired from Art from Ashes at “the Spot”)

I hate not knowing
For sure
What the hell
I am supposed to do.
I hate not having
A place to live
And call it home.
I hate not being able
To earn enough
To have my own place
And my stuff
In the same place.
I hate not having
Any health care
And not knowing
If I will survive
The next time
I get sick.
I hate being
At the mercy
Of other's generosity
Or lack thereof.

I love the freedom
Of waking up
Whenever I want.
I love that I don't
Have anyone
To answer to
Or to confer with
If I want to do
Anything.
I love that what
I earn is mine
For however long
It lasts.
I love that whenever
The muse strikes
I can create
And there is
Nothing and no one
Who can hold me
Back from that
Creation.
Only me.

I hate not knowing
          I love the freedom

For sure
          Of waking up

What the hell
          Whenever I want.

I am supposed to do.
          I love that I don't

I hate not having
          Have anyone

A place to live
          To answer to

And call it home.
          Or to confer with

I hate not being able
          If I want to do

To earn enough
          Anything.

To have my own place
          I love that what

And my stuff
          I earn is mine

In the same place.
          For however long

I hate not having
          It lasts.

Any health care
          I love that whenever

And not knowing
          The muse strikes

If I will survive
          I can create

The next time
          And there is

I get sick.
          Nothing and no one

I hate being
          Who can hold me

At the mercy
          Back from that

Of other's generosity
          Creation.

Or lack thereof.
          Only me.



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