I still have this inner conflict, funny how certain people never fail to help take you there. Exposing the brokenness and the old feelings of self doubt.
Struggle, who me? more like drowning while one arm waves above the water line. No worries, I have everything under perfect control and doing fine....Hmm?. . The problem? No I am not, I'm just above the brink. No matter how hard I tried not to think ..My sadness hits me in between a blink, pulling me down, I lose my grip and start to sink.
Events that become unhealed wounds. Walls go up distance prevails, their convinced they aren't' at fault. The love I had wished to give wasn't't received the way I had meant.
To many yesterdays filled with rejection in places impossible to recover. The kind that eventually kills hope of anything different and makes me feel I've wasted what good years I may have had left.
Blinded by a hidden agenda, my pleas fall upon deaf ears. Is there something so horribly wrong with me that I deserve nothing better? My hearts desire seems to be my own undoing.