I'm convenient for you if I bow to your whim,
But the moment I remain stoic to your footsteps
Is the moment you grab the knife and cut me down.
I'm good enough to pick you up and dust you off;
I'm here to make sure you don't fall to pieces;
I've given you the wisdom to choose the right path,
Only for you to turn your back on me
Once the weight of the world lays waste to my fragile being.
Where once my heart was good enough for you,
I see it is now only a disease.
For once, I wanted to be important in your eyes but instead,
I am pushed to the wayside to make way for more pressing matters.
I do not fit in beside you, at your side.
But to you, I fit in perfectly behind you, letting you lead our way.
I am a stain upon your shirt, and the way my beliefs
Flutter from my lips furrow your brow because
It's not okay for me to think that way.
Instead, I am to sit here and indulge in your everyday adventures
While you shrug and walk away from mine.
When have I refused you the shield from the blast?
When have I denied you the words that lift you up?
When have I ever slapped away your eager hand?
I've always given you what you needed,
In hopes that you would shower me with the same.
But I'm backwards.
I apologize when I've done nothing wrong
And feel guilt at what is your fault.
I'm damaged in ways you cannot help me with,
And instead of being there regardless,
You run away into the shadows and hope I don't follow.
Because I'm backwards,
I'm supposed to lay upon the puddles
So you won't dirty your little feet.
I'm supposed to right all the wrongs and admit
That it was me all along.
Instead, I want to blame you and rage,
Only for you to tell me I'm wrong, crazy and pathetic;
That I don't know what you're going through,
When you could never grasp what I'm going through.
Whereas I would admit that I'm wrong and offer an apology,
Instead I sit and seethe, like a pot that's boiled over,
Trying to find out where it is all my fault,
And finding nothing but truth.
I keep looking anyway.
Once a moron, forever a moron,
Because I'm backwards.
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