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 0315PST
Shouldn't have read my comments
On my poetry site this week
As one of my daughter-in-laws says she's done with me
For a poem I wrote when very upset
It's why they are dated and timed
Because it's how I felt at the moment
It doesn't mean I don't love you
Just means I was angry with you
For thinking you are so much better than me
You're not
You just have more money than me
You just have a good husband
Like I didn't have
You just have a supportive family
Like I didn't have
You got all your wishes in life
To be a stay-at-home mom and a wife
I found about 20 tickets from your husband's
Earlier days last week
That the Army wrote off for him
You helped him get his life together
I appreciate that, little girl
But just because you helped him be a man
Doesn't mean you have to keep him from
The family he had from 1981 to 2009
We all feel like he would see his old family
If it wasn't for his new family
Under the whip of you
We don't get him anymore
Because of you
I am afraid to even go spend money
At the bar in town
Or attempt to be friends
With the people who hang out there
Too afraid it's always going to be your side
These people are on
Therefore
They are never going to know
How fun I can be
How loving I can be
I've bought flowers for your mom before
For being nice to me
When my son went overseas and I was freaking
She liked them
I like her
She's a nice mom
Even though you talk bad about her sometimes too
Do you say
You're done with her?
No, you don't
I heard she called me a stoner
Blaming that for the reason why I wrote a bad poem about you
Does she want me to call her a wino?
Pot is legal here
It's legal in Washington too
I'm not a licensed nurse anymore
I could have a medical card for my disabilities
But why spend $200 I don't have for one
When recreational is legal?
I owe your parents for a phone bill
I'll be glad when I can pay it
So no one can say anything bad about me there
I've paid off my old water bill
I paid the Latter-Day-Saints lady who
Loaned me $70 when my sister
Sent me $150 cash to get out of Helix
When I became homeless
And it was stolen by a UPS person
When she mailed it in Seattle
I've paid the church some of the money
I owe them when they helped me before
I can only do so much on $1200 a month
I do what I can
Do you tell your mom you smoke the green too?
Or does that fact just stay hidden to make you
Look like an angel and me like a devil?
Do you tell them you get it from your brother's friends?
Or even me
You hide the stuff from your parents
That you think they cannot take
Grow up!
You're an adult
You could be truthful with them
Whether they liked it or not
You're living an adult life now
Your parents are not going to like everything you do
But so what
It's your decision
Not theirs as to what you put in your body
I am glad when you are open with me
I wish we were better friends
Not enemies
It only makes life harder
It only keeps grandkids I love away from me
It only makes me feel ashamed because
My life was not as "perfect" as your parents
Life seems to be
I have nothing to be ashamed of
I did my best
Considering the lack of food, incest,
Neglect, drunks, lack of a home and
Starting my life at 16 on my own
As a kid
I think I did hella good considering
Those experiences I lived through
Think of the good things I say about you
Not the bad ones
Like when I say how beautiful you look
Like when I say how your daughter looks so much like her dad
Or when I say I don't see how you can handle 5 kids
In this day and age without going bat-crap bonkers
Try to find some good in me
Don't just relate me to my poetry
My poetry is only one part of me
With one million one hundred eighty thousand plus reads
I'm going to keep writing it
I wrote a poem once called
HOW DO YOU SPELL MARRIAGE?
F O R G I V E N E S S
It's the same with in laws
Now I have to go to Seattle in May sometimes
To see my shoulder surgeon
Unless I change my appointment to July
I can come see my grandkids then
Or I cannot come see my grandkids then
That's up to you and him
If I don't hear from y'all by May
I'll take that as a big middle finger
To me and accept it
And I'll probably keep obsessing over it
Writing poetry you don't like
So if that's the case
Don't read it
Like I said in another poem
I can act like a two year old brat
When I feel scorned
And so can you.


4/2/2016 0419PST cj




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