Voted Personality of the Year
In the Reality TV game
Suddenly he disappeared at
The height of his fame
Couldn't stand the pressure
So he sought some relief
By hiding in the jungle
Wearing just a large figleaf,
Playing Adam and Eve
With his devoted partner
Living there on his own
Being a definite non starter.
They lived a life of ease
In their hut of mud and reeds
Working just enough to
Meet their dietary needs
Tracked down by a reporter
Who confronted him there
Sitting playing the bongo
In their little arboreal lair.
Headlines in the scum press
And now they're in despair
Swamped by hordes of people
Flocking in to join them there.
Pretty soon there was a Walmart
Kentucky Fried, Starbucks as well
Their little paradise quickly turning
Into a form of cosmopolitan hell.
Now he's living back in Cheltenham
Foreign linguist with GCHQ
Just to earn a living because
A man's gotta do what he's gotta do
And he still remembers fondly
When he escaped from it all
Before the publicity turned
Paradise into an urban sprawl
If There's a moral to this incident
It's can only be I guess
Never bare your heart out
To any Member of the Press.
They don't care about your feelings
Or the effects of publishing your story
So long as they get the headlines
And their exclusive byline glory
