i live my life in shambles so that
you may watch both candle ends reach their
end long before the sun goes down.
the light's all but burned itself out,
and i'm all but burnt out on the light itself;
so i had the man down at the Company
shut the power that brings the Sun to me;
Is this it? What is left for me?
I have seen Heaven and felt
its warmth encumber me
from head to toe, hindering
my movements.
Air thick with contentment
weighting limbs, thoughts, emotion, memory-
from head to toe / heart to soul
until the warmth turns from warm
to the current state of things, all things,
until it just Is, it has been
and always.
I have been to Hell and stayed
just long enough
for it to seem like
home;
to recognize a part of myself in
my surroundings;
to have felt urges,
uncontrollable.
urges that could move the Earth;
to believe every lie i told myself
and to feel this world move under
my collapsing will.
I have stayed just long enough to know
it exists.
Alone under indefinite blue skies
or a mouthful of what tranquilizes,
i am Heaven, i am Hell-
the monsters are already here,
the angels are the neighbors,
Death rings the telephone.