Tattoos in Mayberry

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Portland, where no one has a full time  job
with square benefits.
To Stumptown you go
when your pants hang down low
You must prove
you're a Portlander
and camp out in wetland sand.
Portland, your mortgage is under water
and your car insurance is risk.
You are a splitting headache
with walls three feet thick.
For all that your lack,
You've secured a Burnside Cadillac
holding your rain gear with your pack
tucked, and zipped up
tightly with your stash..
Welcome to the two river rez,
called Portland.
She's come out proudly as a boy
misclassified but
no one's toy
Whatever her truth
She's  misanthropic and she's  blue
But, her civil rights are boldly intact
One wonders if the Ninth Circuit Court
has a short in their circuit
to be fully on board with that.

 My nerves are ,
ion frazzle and too
 wizened to be dazzled 
by happenin' shows.
Featuring garbage pail kids
slow dancing with their smart phones..
Come see the middle-aged
the tragically hip
camp out in a yurt,
flaunting flip-flops,
and men's kilt-like skirts.
guzzling Johnny Walker
Red or Blue
while huffing model airplane glue
Portland , 
Is where your next big score is months away
But, no worries
Because, you're really neat, petite and super discrete
hiding the dark mystery 
or your clandestine history 
from your friends.
You're a creator 
A world class debater 
A problem solver
An undefeated, faux gladiator
Flush with so many survival skills
covering most of your bills.
Plus, steel toned buns
best to evade spree killers 
lurking in dim hallways
scheming to end
wayward daughters and sons.
Here in Portland.

You're eclectic,
positively electric
occassionally dyslexic.
You don't smash pumpkins
even months after Halloween
because they are peaceful
sentient beings don't you know....
Welcome to this factoid/fictional
Mayberry with tattoos

Inked on our front sides
our backs, forearms and legs.
That's me and that's you,
here in Portland.
You've been dumped off here
 by mom and dad
You're demure, and all good
on the row team at school
You're stellar, aren't you?
While subsisting on parental support.
It's what's kept you
from being sucked  down the rabbit hole
Karmic good deeds follow you
wherever you go.
But, now, a master lock picker has stolen your
most prized set of tools.
Your bunk mates are drunkards, hop heads and ghouls.
Here, in the stiff collared, city of clerks.
It's a cinch you're a shoe in
to flourish
amongst our fresh catch of twerps..
You've grown older 
but your Sugar Daddy still coughs up your rent
Proud how you can still make 
 the younger guys flinch.
You're a pro on the skim
You're a tough nut to crack.
You can change on a whim.
Dug a trench down the rabbit hole
for you and for him.
Here in Portland.

Your perfect employer just reneged
The decks are stacked and
the game's are rigged.
And they have quadruplicates of you already.
It's why you've been stiffed
but, you've won a handsome parting gift
Two scoops of rougher than ready
while you're dicked around
on their induction line
Got it Freddy?
Portland, where the boss 
is a sketched out, cross dressing,
soul sucking pimp 
a card cheatin'
horse thievin', bad acid trip.
Still, I'm ok and you're ok
but who's doing an honest day's work
around here anyway?..
There's independant contractor jobs
just waiting for you.
Flying your sign at the freeway off ramp.
Or selling Organically grown,
Non GMO, 
home crafted,
state of the art.
locally grown
pot edibles.
packed and delivered
by a lithe, heavily tattooed former pole dancer
who for extra, can be persuaded
to perform the splits
in the altogether
Oh, Portland gets by
on more than whipped bacon cream pie
And mad nuggets.
Good reasons why the rush to legalize
what with 700 channels of internet cable.
and raging rivers of money flowing under the table.
First responders
on the scene on call to 
mess up
a pot dealer's dreams.
Feel free to get pickled on Pale Ale
Twice fried potatoes 
under ranch or blue cheese
If you've forgotten your diet
no worries
it's all gluten-free.
In Portland,
you'll get  banged for your buck
The screw who hired to fire you
is King of the Schmucks
you complain how you're
 barely getting by
Your urine's being tested 
but you're stlll getting high
Your dealer's waiting on you
at the park it and fly.

Here, we do rolfing, Pilates, Reike, Tai Chi 
A whole slew of mind and body tricks.
Marvel at  the freak show of mismatched stuffed pricks.
A human petting zoo
Thick with the delightfully sick
You don't need permission
to hold an exhibition .
Be the star of your show.
Here's  a free ticket upgrade
get in the flow.
Unless other plans have been made
You're so in the know
and good to go.
In the  mystical land of Portland.
Thank the stars for the Free State Of Portland
Thank God for big children raising kids.
Who could adequately describe
a twenty-something playpen like this..
Patchouli scented incense on fire.
Traversing two tree trunks on a wire.
Maybe it's schwag, but hopefully fire,
Welcome to Portland.
Where our number one goal
is to heal body and soul.
Portland, unsheathed, and unrated
It zigs as it zags
On the prowl for movie time gold.
If this be your case,
may your position remain rock solid and bold
And you're able to keep the cat in the bag
so you don't have to sling
too much swag when you're old.

Folks much better than I
are twitching and tweaking
and guzzling beer.
Where it's chill to
pop a pill  Feel free 
to pass out right here. Where it's kush, so delish
Have a cool blast of that,
a hot shot of this.
relax, you're 
in Portland.

Sure, Portlandia has it's problems
but we make ample time to relax
When you're in the pits
Haven't yet found your niche
When life's one cold bitch
You've been nixed
It's best you 
come to Portland.

Because it's  so awesome living here
though it's not clear
If employment with job security
might ever appear.

The transplants are trust funded
and the homies are latchkey.
and collecting food stamps.
Since buyers and sellers
have put on the clamps.
disrespected, dismissed.
Not trusted.
Portland doesn't need none.
You gotta eat
so you take some.
Until getting busted
and put on the cop watch list.
If you don't sport the right kind of fine
you hit the back streets runnin'
Pushin' on only to find
At the end of the day
You're back where you started
at the end of the soup line.
In Portland.

You've been calling
mummy and daddy collect
For more run around cash
Busting your hump
for some trickle down stash.
No more smoked fish on rye,
or honey baked ham
Now it's mac and fake cheese
over textured beef hash.
Because, you've run through your trust fund
like a feverish rash.
Your 401K holds negative cash
Take heart
life's still good.
There's no sales tax.
Salvation at last.
here in Portland.

It's a place you can go
When your pension runs low
Whether you're on the top of the heap
or at the bottom of the barrel
We're one tribe
We're trailer park feral 
in Portland.
If you want to become one of us
pitch a tent out in Forest Park
or break camp in a tricked out V.W. Bus.
Where most everyone's strung out
or heavily sedated.
Holding fast to an unsettled peace
among the mass medicated.
There's a safe space here 
for a chosen few
with deep thoughts to ponder
but little to do
They appear to still be waiting for Godot.
What a bore
Thank you 
right back at you
But, who, if anyone is minding the store.

Here's tribute in rose petals
to those who fell down the rabbit hole
Drowned like a sewer rat
a tit-mouse,
a vole.
Where money is a four letter word
so spend it all 
What rhythm you have
Wearing silly hats
Remember to wash your hands.
and your feet.
Rinse and repeat
Smile for the camera, skippy
You're in Portland

Buddy Bee Anthony

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Rabbit Hole