Portland,off The I-5 corridor..
With a low bottom floor.
To Stumptown you go
when your pants hang down low
You must prove
you're a Portlander
and camp out in wetland sand.
Portland, your mortgage is under water
and your car insurance is risk.
You're one splitting headache
with walls three feet thick.
For all that you lack,
You've secured a Burnside Cadillac
Toting your rain gear with your stash
zipped up
tightly in your pack...
Welcome to the two rivers rez,
called Portland.
He's a girl.
She's a boy
misclassified but
no one's toy
Their aim looks true
A misanthrope who's blue...
With civil rights boldly intact
Still, one wonders if the Ninth Circuit Court
is one circuit short
of being fully on board with all that.
My nerves are on frazzle ,
Too wizened to be dazzled
by 'happening shows'.
Featuring garbage pail kids.,
slow dancing ,
with their smart phones.
Come into the inner drumming circle
of the tragically hip
Finger snapping and
glamping in a yurt
wearing flip flops and a kilt like skirt.
guzzling Johnny Walker
Red, Black or Blue
while huffing model airplane glue.
In Bridge City,
Where your next big score is months away
But, no worries,
Because, you're really neat
petite and super discrete
hiding the dark mystery
or your clandestine history
from your friends.
You're a bold creator
A world class debater
A problem solver
A faux gladiator
Flush with so many survival skills
covering most of your bills.
Plus, steel toned buns
best to evade spree killers
lurking in dim hallways
scheming to end
wayward daughters and sons.
Here in Portland.
You're eclectic,
positively electric
occassionally dyslexic.
You won't smash your pumpkins
even months after Halloween
because they're
sentient beings, you know....
Welcome to this factoid/fictional
Mayberry with tattooes
in bright and faded hues
Ink on our back sides,
our arms,
and our legs,
that's me and that's you
here in Portland.
You've been dumped off here
by your mom and your dad
You're all good,
on the row team at school
You're stellar, aren't you?
While subsisting on parental support.
It's what's kept you
from being sucked down the rabbit hole
Karmic good deeds follow you
wherever you go.
But, now, a master lock picker
has run off with your prized set of tools.
Your bunk mates are drunkards, hop heads and ghouls.
Here, in the stiff collared, city that shirks.
you're a shoe in
to fit in and flourish with
a fresh class of twerps
who knows, it is broken
but swears that it works..
Here in PDX
You've gotten older
but,your Sugar Daddy
still coughs up your rent
Proud, how you can still make
the younger guys flinch.
You're a pro on the skim
a tough nut to crack.
You can change on a whim.
Dug a trench
down a rabbit hole
for you and for him.
Here in P-Town.
Your perfect employer has just reneged
Their deck has been stacked
and their game is rigged.
They've made quadruplicates of you already.
It's why you've been stiffed
but, you've won a handsome parting gift
Two scoops of rougher than ready
while you're being dicked around
on their induction line
Got it Freddy?
Portland, where the boss
is a sketched out, cross dressin',
soul suckin' pimp
a card cheatin'
horse thievin', bad acid trip.
Still, I'm ok and you're ok
but who's doing an honest day's work
around here anyway?
There are independant contractor job's
just waiting for you
Fly a sign
at a freeway off ramp.
Sell organically grown
wholistic
home crafted,
state of the art.
locally grown weed..
from a heavily tattooed,
former pole dancer
who's can still
do the splits for you
in the altogether.
In Stump Town,
we're getting by
on more than whipped bacon cream pie
And mad nuggets.
Good reasons why the rush to legalize
what with 700 channels of internet cable.
and raging rivers of money flowing under our table.
Portland
is right there
to water log
an unlicensed pot dealers wet dreams.
Come, get pickled on Pale Ale
Twice fried potatoes
under ranch or blue cheese
If you've forgotten your diet
no worries,,
it's all gluten free.
here in Portland.
;
You've gotten banged for your buck
The screw who won't hire you
is 'King of the Schmucks.'
Portland
you've complained how you're
just getting by.
Your urine's being tested
but you're stlll getting high.
Your dealer's waiting on you
at the park it and fly.
In River City,
we hug tall trees we eat Mushrooms, do Pilates, Reike, Tai Chi.
A wide spectrum of mind/ body tricks.
Marvel at the freak show of mismatched stuffed pricks.
A human petting zoo.
Thick with the delightfully sick
You don't need permission
to hold an exhibition .
Be the star of your show.
Here's a free ticket upgrade
to get in the flow.
Unless other plans have been made
you're so in the know
and good to go.
In this magical, mystical valley
called Portland.
Thank the Moon and The Stars
for this Free State called Portland
God Bless all these adult sized, children, raising kids.
Who could adequately describe
a twenty-something playpen like this..
With patchouli scented incense on fire.
Traverse two tree trunks on a wire.
Maybe it's schwag, but hopefully fire.
Welcome to Portland.
Where our number one goal
is to heal mind, body and soul.
Puddle Town,
unsheathed, and unrated
It zigs as it zags
On the prowl for movie time gold.
If this be your case,
may your position remain rock solid and bold
And you're able to keep the cat in the bag
so you don't have to sling
too much swag when you're old
here in Portland.
Folks much better than I
are twitching and tweaking
and guzzling beer.
Feel free to pass out right here
where it's cool to pop a pill..
it's casual, kush, all good, and delish
So, 'chill' with a cold blast of that,
or a hot shot of this.
Sure, Rip City has it's own set of problems
but we make ample time to relax
When you're in the pits
Haven't yet found your niche
When your life is a bitch
You've been nixed
86'd
it's might be time
to move out to Portland.
It can be totally awesome to put down roots here.
though it remains unclear
If employment with job security
might ever appear.
The trust fund kids
necks are on swivel.
the homies are latch key,
and collecting food stamps.
since the buyers and sellers
have put on the clamps.
Abandoned.
unwanted,
dissed,, dismissed.
not trusted.
They don't need none.
Still, you gotta eat
so you take some.
Until you get busted
and you're put on the cop watch list.
If you don't sport the right kind of fine
you hit the back streets runnin'
Pushin' on, only to find
At the end of the day
You're back where you started
at the end of the soup line.
In Portland.
You've been calling
mommy and daddy, collect
For more run around cash
Busting your hump
for some trickle down stash.
No more honey baked ham
Now it's mac and fake cheese
over textured beef hash.
Because, you've run through your trust fund
like a feverish rash.
Your 401K holds negative cash
Take heart
life's still good.
There's no sales tax.
Salvation at last.
here in Portland.
It's a fine place to go
when your pension runs low
Whether you're on top of the heap
or the bottom of the barrel
We're one tribe
united
We're trailer park feral
here in Stumptown.
If you want to become one of us
pitch a tent in Forest Park
or break camp in a tricked out, V,W. bus
Where most everyone's strung out
or heavily sedated.
Holding fast to an unsettled peace
among the mass medicated.
A sacred free space
for the chosen few
with deep thoughts to ponder
but little to do
They appear to still be waiting for Godot.
What a bore
Thank you
namaste'
Right back at you,
But, who, if anyone, is minding the store.
Here's tribute in rose petals
to those who fell down the rabbit hole
Drowned like a sewer rat
a tit-mouse,
a vole.
Where money is a four letter word
so spend it all
Stat.
What rhythm you have
Wearing such silly hats
Remember to wash your hands.
and your feet.
Rinse and repeat.
Smile for the camera, Skippy
You're in Portland...
Buddy Bee Anthony
All copyrights, publishing, and editing rights expressly, reserved 'as is' only by this author
Re-Edited 02/01/2024 @ 2:06 PM Pacific Standard Time