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Ineffable

You say you love me very much, yet you don't want to continue to try,
this seems contradictory to itself, something I am unable to justify.
My heart tells me I did something wrong, that I caused you to leave,
you tell me that isn't the case, that you just fell out of love with me.
My brain tells me maybe there is someone else, the reason for the change,
my heart tells me do not believe this, it will just add to your pain.

Battling the heartache, I search for the answers that I may never get,
even if I did, it would not change anything, I am pretty sure of it.
Almost fourteen years, no lies, no cheating, no verbal or physical abuse,
you said I always treated you like a princess, and yet, walk away is what you choose?
Knowing you as the logical, intelligent, pragmatic person that you are,
this is a disconnect that doesn't make sense, that you would take it this far.

I wish I could stop thinking, just shut it all down at the end of the work day,
but it is not nearly that simple, because you are always on my mind anyway.
I just have more time to think about it after I finally make it back home,
seeing everything from our lives, while I am waiting out the hours all alone.
Trying to distract myself, but after so much time lost in my own thoughts,
I come home & sit down to write, because of the continuous flow that won't stop.

Stuck in a vicious cycle that replicates itself time and time again,
unexplainable queries and depressing thoughts, no way that I can win.
An interrogation of my own mind, that is really what it is,
checking back over recent memory for anything that I might have missed.
Signs that she was leaving, I am sure that they were there,
but it can be hard to see the signals, when you are in love without a care.


Original Work by: Shawn A.


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Ineffable