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Love Paralysis

I cannot seem to fall asleep tonight,
staring at the ceiling until the break of light.
My mind creates images while my eyes cannot see,
flashes of imagery in the dark, vignette memories.
Reproductions so vivid and saturated in color,
brightly displaying our love for each other.
Flashbacks so visually stunning and real,
but the tears traversing my cheeks are all that I feel.
In absolute denial that we are not worth saving,
unable to comprehend how she decided on leaving.
Why did I just find out that something was wrong,
and where was the trying? How is she already gone?
I sit there and think of where my life is now,
and I cannot figure it out, I just do not know how.
How did we get here, and how come if we just found out,
why didn't we work together to turn it all around?
These questions are heavy and they weigh on my chest,
I just want to save us, then we can figure out the rest.
Immobilized by visions, similar to my sleep paralysis,
but there are no menacing figures, no encroaching darkness.
Well, there is darkness and it still encroaches,
but not in the same way the paralysis darkness approaches.
What has taken my voice and crippled my body,
are the dramatic visions of us that only I can see.
They remind me of so many fantastic, happy moments,
but then there are also the sadness & fear components.
A volatile mix of emotions that you cannot see,
exhausting and draining every single ounce of me.
Involuntarily forfeiting my ability to move,
all I can do is lay there and think about you.

Original Work by: Shawn A.

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Love Paralysis