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No, You Don't Know...

You say that you know how hard it is, but do you?
The feeling is definitely not the same for us two.
I want this to work, and you seem to have no cares,
walking away as if we didn't share the last fourteen years.
So no, this is not the same and you don't know how I feel,
you have no idea the torture, wishing this was not real.
You haven't been on the edge, and had to talk yourself off,
you don't seem at all concerned about the past, or the future lost.
No, you were able to escape it all and go to a new destination,
no daily reminders, not trapped in your surroundings, no consternation.
It seems to me like that you make for a peaceful getaway,
wake up somewhere new, nothing reminding you of yesterday.
Not having to see me, or anything that reminds you I am there,
while I weep inside our home, trying to figure out what you no longer care.
Crumbling under the weight of this ultimate betrayal,
crushing both my trust and our love, neither of which will prevail.
Slowly loosing everything in life that kept me looking ahead,
no soul mate, no home to call ours, no vows to ever be said.
Each day I think of the things we've done, and the things we'll never do,
how I will never see that white dress, and I'll never grow old with you.
Are you haunted by these thoughts, are you falling apart without answers?
No, because these thoughts are not eating at you like a terminal cancer.
So, while I understand that this is also very hard on you as well,
the comparison of what we are going through is like the difference between heaven and hell.
You see the end of a troubled time, with an outlook of better days ahead,
I am living the end of our life together, waking each morning in our empty bed.
Your decision to end it is one I will never understand and cannot forgive,
you promised to stand by me for as long as we both shall live.
As I looked into your eyes, standing on top of the world,
I professed my love for you, asking you to always be my girl.
You agreed and said you loved me & that we would never part,
something you said with your mouth, but must not have felt in your heart.
Must I keep going, or do you understand the difference in how I feel?
We may be going through the same breakup, but the contrast is very real.
Don't get me wrong, I know this is not affecting only me,
but the impact varies greatly, and most of my damage you cannot see.
The extent of my darkness is unknown, because it does not get spoken,
it is not a cry for help, it is a final solution for the broken.
The blackest of thoughts, generated by my inner demons,
the ones that you unleashed, previously unspoken, are now screaming.
They grasp and they claw at all that I love and know,
consuming everything in sight, like a ravenous black hole.
They apprise me of a future, one that is now plagues with rot and decay,
highlighting my loss, exacerbating my shame, ruining each coming day.
They show me no path in my future that allows me to be happy,
the only future that doesn't break my heart, no longer includes me.
So, each day I have to search for reason to continue,
be it a conversation with a friend, or a simple text message from you.
I know the days will get better, but only the sun will we share,
the best days of my life are behind me now, never will the future ever compare.


Original Work by: Shawn A.


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No, You Don`t Know...