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Thank You Friends, Thank You May

Thank you to May, Mental Health Awareness Month,
for the constant reminders everywhere, not to give up.
In times of need, when I had no one around,
I kept seeing signs to stay strong, and not let myself, and others down.
With each day that passed, wishing you were still here,
my heart wilting in the sun, clouding my thoughts with despair.
As they would turn darker, blackening my vision,
words of encouragement & pleas to keep going, helped change my direction.
For that, I say thank you to the friends & family that were there,
for checking in on me and showing that you care.
I am also very thankful that it was not a hostile split,
but I will never be the same, I never had any intentions to end it.
The hardest thing I have ever had to overcome,
but it is still not over, no I am far from done.
Wrap my heart in scar tissue, hide the intense pain that I feel,
disguise it with a smile, obscure from view what may never heal.
I never let anyone close know just how bad it really hurts,
contemplated writing a will, or giving all my possessions away first.
Traveling to a place I love, a place we once shared,
watching one last sunset, and then ending it all there.
Surrounded by your pictures, holding onto the ashes of my dear Dojah,
high in the mountains, where all the suffering could be over.
Yes, these past months have been the hardest, and darkest I have ever faced,
yearning for a future that isn't coming, feeling as though I have been erased.
Many nights I have sat alone, cloaked in utter disappointment and shame,
not sure how to process it, but willing to take on all of the blame.
Shouldering the weight of all my own negative thoughts,
absorbing each of them internally, impactful blows and fatal shots.
Feeling too damaged to be of use to anyone else,
afraid I have given my all, and there is simply nothing left.
The signs became more frequent as my hopes dwindled to zero,
inspiring words of strength and motivation from unknown heroes.
People whose posts or messages were never intended for me,
those unnamed strangers whose impact they will never see.
Each day that I read one of those messages gave way to another,
then one day I had something to look forward to, breaking my cloud cover.
It still hurts daily, and I struggle with being in my own shoes,
the loss of the life I truly wanted, a life I never wanted to lose.
So, as the month of May has since come to an end,
I want to say thank you to everyone that has, or is helping, I'll say it again...
Thank you to my friends who didn't let me wallow in solitude and pity,
thank you for getting me out of the house, thank you for listening.
Thank you to the random people who have kindness in their hearts,
not letting the sad or depressed forget that the end, is also a new start.
Thank you to those who have emerged from similar situations,
sharing their stories as words of inspiration.
Strangers willing to talk to someone all night, just to prevent a tragedy,
thank you all, you will never know how your actions indirectly saved me.
Yes, I am still sad and that will take a very long time to repair,
but to give up on life, would only cause others undeserved despair.
Friends and family that would never see me again,
many already dealing with enough, they don't deserve more pain.
Instead, I think of tomorrow, and push into the unknown,
not quite sure how to move forward, but that is the direction I am going.
Changing myself for the better, becoming an improved version,
holding my head up, because I know I am worth it.

Original Work by: Shawn A.

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Thank You Friends, Thank You May