I can only open up to you
Sorry i am crying right now, but i don't even know why i am
Its only 1133
I feel so guarded
It all started when you passed away
Nobody helped me lose weight
It got so bad i was getting so sick
I knew it was just my weight
So i took charge and i saved myself, but not my heart
Thats been tortured half to death
I know how to love, but i love the wrong people
Those who ignore me, hurt me and i know
I used to want validation and i needed love from mum
Desperately and she will give it to all the wrong people
I remember growing up i resented her and we had fights because she ignored me
She riduculed my feelings, but i felt bad after i ran away and i came home i said i loved her
So much i just hated being left out in the cold
I didn't like being ignored
I knew it was stupid to get married young
He tortured me, abused me, he was so selfish
Getting away was not good because unless you have kids they treat you bad
They spread rumours they don't understand you're still human too
It hurts so much even if we pretend it does not
I can't find him i don't want to give up on love, but i am sick of always attracting bad apples
I wish the perpertrator of these rumours gets exposed
I gave up so much and let them win
They continued
I just want to be left alone like when i was the ugly, geeky fat girl with no hope at all, but a loser i knew would use me for sure
Lifes not been easy my whole life has been a struggle
Im happy i just wish people envied others who are really abusive
I will let you know if i meet someone nice
He will come to the grave and make dua
He'll become part of the family
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