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Poetic, No. Truth, Yes. Please KMN.

I wish that I could fix all of this,
nothing feels real anymore.
Everything is so intense,
each memory a momentary pause.
Holding on too tight,
they shatter and leave me bloody.
Falling through space and time,
colder, darker, deeper I slip.
Never before have I known pain like this,
I cannot get over the words she said.
Constantly on repeat inside my head,
"I may have never loved you,
maybe it was all just physical", please, kill me dead.
Saying this over the phone,
spared her from seeing part of me die.
At that moment it was gone,
no more hope, words no spark would survive.

Thank you for the new title, one I never wanted,
a fourteen-year rebound, the kind no one will keep around.
I now realize there were too many lies at the end,
but love is blind as they say, and I could not see it then.
Now that I look back, I can clearly see the signs,
I wish it would have ended differently,
but I had a really good time.

If I never see his name again, it will be too soon.
I will never be okay with your lies,
or, you going back to him.
Those tears at our final Christmas,
they fell because you know what you did.
Not because the digital frame was the sweetest gift,
filled with photos from our very first date
to our last adventure filled trip,
it was everything I loved about us, all I could give.
To the moon and back, cliche, yes...
but also, exact truth that could echo through time.
The following month, a phone call taken in the bedroom,
an exclamation down the hall, "No mami, no Esposo!"
I don't speak much Spanish, but I knew that was pretty much all.
Her mother loves me, and she so passionately told her no,
she had no intention of marrying me, my heart starts to fall.
Descending deeply, that was the day I wrote "Always On My Mind",
My first poem, dozens and dozens I would write to keep her off my mind.
Not that I want to forget her, but she is no longer the person I knew,
someone I don't know, someone familiar, yet totally new.
So when you ask me about the one who got away,
there was no one then, but now it's a new day.
I asked you the same, and you lied and said there wasn't,
that I was the perfect boyfriend, everything you ever wanted.
Now I know, seeing his name again next to yours,
that you asked because you had your own answer,
now knowing that when I asked you, you lied before.

So now, you can laugh and joke with your friends,
agree with them when they say they never liked me anyway,
Enjoy your time in California, let the sun carry your problems away.
You don't have to see me, or worry about running into me in the street,
I'll do whatever I can to avoid entering the city of Mesquite.
The torture this all brings is more than you will ever understand,
day by day, I try to move forward, to become better than I am.
So, tell him the same thing you told me, "him & I are done",
"we were basically just roommates at the end, and I'm ready to move on."
I wish you the best, and I really do hope you are happy.
I sincerely wish everything was different, oh how I love you so,
but the torture you have caused me, you will never know.
Never will I escape the everlasting sorrow enveloping my thoughts,
not what I have, but rather, what is not.
Never again will I know the feeling of your lips on mine,
however, I would pay a million dollars to feel it one more time.
Never again will I feel the cool touch of your skin,
the beautiful scent of your perfume, things I enjoyed so much when I was your man.
I would do anything to fix what we had, nothing would mean more to me than that.
You were my everything, my love, my life, my eternal flame,
as it burns forever, I hope you remember my name.
Because my love for you will never die,
after they close my casket, my love will stand the test of time.

I love you so much, always and forever.
Nothing in my life could have ever made me feel better.

Original Ramblings by the broken hearted: Shawn Adams


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Poetic, No. Truth, Yes. Please KMN.