Things aren't easy but I'm okay
I'm still winning and achieving
I'm still your fighter
Still your girl who is determined
The one who's always beaten the bullies
The savage haters
I always win in the end
I always reep the benefits and the rewards
The blessings
Alhamdulilah
Seeing you in my dream happy and content was beautiful
You rest easy because I still got work to do in dunya
I'm not ready to leave just yet my queen
I don't think I'd ever reach what you reached in this world
You achieved jummah and Ramadan as an ending
The same day as dad who was your true soulmate
I decided to stay on my own
I don't want to disappoint you or dad
I just can't do it
I'm too traumatised from my ex to love again
I don't even want to be near a man
I just know how to survive on my own I'm so masculine
I forgot how to be feminine
I don't think I'm able to love again
The last person I tried to love hurt me and I don't want to try again
It's humiliating and degrading
I'd rather keep to myself and to thy Lord
Thank you for being my mum for decades and letting me care for you
I appreciated you put your trust in your youngest girl to care for you
I love you from the bottom of my heart mum
I will never stop loving you uncomfortable unconditionally
I swear nobody loved me how much you could
Nobody has forgotten you and is praying for you continously
Everyone remembers your food, kindness and jollyness and joy you bought the community
I don't know how they'll remember me but I don't think it will be good
I've been disliked from a child and I can't understand why but I always stayed kind for the sake of Allah
I'd never degrade myself or my deeds
The lucky part is I am blessed to be loved by so many people that I need to remind myself this everyday
I'm not concerned with kids or falling in love anymore
It all stopped in lockdown and I don't even know why myself I just changed and relied on myself
It is a lesson I was taught that only Allah plans and we plan and perhaps my soulmate is one in jennah and not here
I know you wanted me safe, protected but I'm strong mum I'm not like your other girls
I can survive and if I struggle I have Allah
I always have Him
Always
I kind of wish this will really reach you
I miss you so much 💓
More than I miss anything in the world
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