I wrote this poem shortly after my partner committed suicide and left me with our eight month old son and four months pregnant with our baby girl. I thought it may help with my closure.
I am mad at you this time, those eyes cannot mend,
Those soft kisses mean nothing, flowers cannot defend,
I'd have rather you had cheated, hit me or stole,
I can never forgive you, for taking my soul,
This is not a disagreement Ant, You can't make it better,
No texts to say sorry, you can't write me a letter,
I hate you for what you've done, what now do I do?
You unleashed my worse fears, and made them come true,
You left me, that is one thing, But Nathan is another,
You neither stuck around, to see if he would have a sister or brother,
You left no note, no reason or goodbyes,
Just thought of yourself, now you rest with dry eyes,
I wonder why I bother, to cry myself to sleep,
To make everything so perfect, for those I cannot keep,
If you cared so much, then why couldn't we come,
To hell with us all you thought, and then it was done,
Not only have you ruined your own life,but mine and the kids too,
You left us alone forever,and for that I blame you,
I have to face them in the future, watch as they grow,
For you can no longer help me,and live with what I know,
You will be made out to be the "goodie", whilst I the "baddie",
When I am forced to answer the question..Where is my daddy?
I have to pick up the pieces, I have to live with the pain,
While you just sleep forever, and look down and be vain,
I hope your pleased with yourself, the grief you have caused,
We have to carry on though and struggle on paused,
My feelings for you are fading, I cannot accept your gone,
You never kissed me goodbye, no words for your son,
I still don't regret loving you, or having your children too,
You will never be forgotten, but I can never forgive you.