You don't know that a dollar makes my meal every morning.
That I get the same gummy bears and water
For breakfast because that's all I can afford.
If I am to get a bit more money,
I'll be damned if I don't stash it away in my room,
Never letting anyone know I have it
Or a tax I'd surely have to pay.
I hate me. I hate who I have become.
I hate who I will never be and most of all
I hate those never wanted me in this world.
It's not fair that this brunt was born
To this family, they'd live better off without me…
I refill my bottle with nasty tap water
And rush off to class
In a pair of blue jeans
Severely ripped in the crotch area,
Unable to be fixed.
I cannot buy another pair,
With what money?
I just ripped my khakis yesterday,
And now all I have to wear are
Ripped pants and sweat pants
That make me look disgustingly fat,
Even though I think I look that way
Without the help of those pants.
My hands are dry and cracking from the cold,
My eyes burn from lack of sleep,
My head spins from fights and agony,
My body yearns for another cupcake
But I cannot afford it.
I cannot even afford to care for myself
And have been forced to go to terrible doctors
Who say there is nothing wrong with me
When there is something wrong with me.
I don't see why everything couldn't turn out well
For this family instead of others.
I had money once, oh yeah.
It was as though I was rich or something,
Rich in my mind,
I could take myself out for a decent lunch.
I could buy a pair of pants when I needed to do so.
I could do anything until
I spent all of it on the people who betray me
With blame and livid words;
People who never see the real me,
Someone who fears all contact with people,
Someone who has anxiety attacks on the first day of school,
Someone who cries as long as no one can see her doing so.
Someone who wants to rot in a corner of the world, without interruption.
No one winces when I am in pain,
Yet for anyone else they wince as though
The pain were happening to them
And all I can do is sit here and be left with an anxious feeling of being left out.
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