LETTER TO MY ''BIG'' ONE

~THE SIG BOX~

One of the kindest people I know has been abused: mentally, physically, emotionally, and sexually abused, and she was just an innocent child.  Those people who should have been protecting her, encouraging her, guiding her, and loving her instead were her abusers.  
 
The fact that she is now over 50 years old, is college educated, has raised a family, ran a business, married an abuser and is now widowed, left with a myriad of bills and legal matters, and has pulled herself up by her boot straps, found a job in service to others less fortunate than herself absolutely
amazes me.
 
The irony is that, after all this time, the hurt this little girl hid within herself is still causing her pain, and feelings of worthlessness, and she struggles every day to deal with this abuse-------
Every day.....................
every day...........
 
So I asked her for her permission to print a poem she had written to herself on line.........so maybe someone else who is going through this hurt will see it,
and feel better about themselves.......
and she agreed.
 
                       Letter To My Big One
 
Little girl,
Can't talk.
Shhhhhhh.
 
Inside, I call for help,
Not knowing what for.
But no one hears.
 
I'm mute...
Calling...calling.
Silently calling.
No one can hear.
 
I grow...
Somethings wrong,
I don't know what.
 
Still trying to call,
No one hearing,
No one listening.
 
What's wrong with me?
I call out...
Can anyone hear me?
Won't anyone help?
 
More growth,
More of the same,
No one hearing,
No one listening,
Calls for help,
Unanswered.
 
One day,
There's an awakening.
Someone within
Says "I'm here".
And this time
She's heard,
By the one who's grown.
 
Who are you?
Where did you come from?
Do I know you?
 
I'm here,
Calls a soft voice,
Inside...all alone.
They hurt me, Big One.
 
What did they do?
How were you hurt?
 
They hit me,
Made me take off my clothes.
They looked and they touched,
And Big One...
They hurt.
 
I tried to run,
Tried to hide,
Couldn't talk,
Couldn't cry,
Couldn't tell.
 
No one to tell,
No one to listen.
 
I was so little,
They were so big,
I had to let them
Do what they wanted.
I was so afraid.
 
When they were done,
I hid inside.
I didn't want you to know.
It was my secret,
Never to tell.
 
One day...
A memory slipped out.
And then another.
I thought it was safe,
And that I could talk.
 
But then you hated me.
You thought
I should have stopped them,
Should have told.
 
Big One...
Who could I tell?
Mommy wouldn't listen,
And there wasn't anyone else.
I wasn't supposed
To talk to grown ups.
 
You hurt me Big One.
You take away my friends.
You do bad things
To make them leave.
 
You take away the things
That I love the most.
My drawings,
Favorite teddy bears,
A favorite owl.
 
You tell me you hate me,
That I'm stupid,
A nothing.
You burn my hand,
You think of death.
 
Big One???
I understand.
You're afraid,
Just like me.
 
Can we be friends?
Will you hold my hand?
Will you stay with me?
 
I need to talk...
Need to share.
These memories,
Can't be handled alone.
 
Can we go
Through this together?
Hand in hand?
Will you help me?
Will you hold me?
 
I need you Big One,
I'm a part of you.
 
Big One...
   I love you !!
 
 
jean

~THE SIG BOX~

 

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