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Oh Lord, Oh Gawd...What Can I Do?I wake up every morning, And raise my eyes above, And ask for the blessings of the day, And to shower me with love! And beg that for my breakfast, I'll have just 2 weetabix, And not be tempted to any more, Cos I'm feeling all betwixed! At dinner time I raise my eyes, And ask Him for divine intervention! Because I really need to focus, But my sins I forget to mention! So I ask for patience and understanding, Cos I have to admit this is true, I really get a moody on! When my taste buds start coming through! Then at lunch time I'm at it again, Asking for Him to send to me… The strength to turn away from… All the food that aint meant to be! At snack time I open the cupboard, And beg forgiveness cos of what I see, Great big bars of chocolate, Oh Lord send some will power to me! At evening meal I go once more… To the kitchen in my flat, And throw out bits and bobs, Cos if I eat them I'll get fat! And I beg for strength and constitution! To show me the way to go; Cos I get fed up, and all mixed up, And I'm looking a ruddy show! My clothes are all hanging neatly… In the wardrobe in my room; But when I try to get them on… Cor blimey, I start to swoon! Big clothes thrown all over the bed! And everything's a mess! The little ones hidden at the back, So my weight gain no-one will guess! Long cardigans to my knees, Of course that's cos I'm old, And I have to wear baggy garments, To keep me from getting cold! So dear Lord I ask of you, Please send to me what I need, To resist from being tempted, Cos the slimming rules I need to heed! Our Father up in Heaven, I pray to you once again, Please invoke your rules on me, To stop this ruddy fat weight gain! And if you can't do that for me, Then please send some intervention, And make me hate all fatty foods, Chocolate, and a few not to mention! For there I am each morning, Looking at me bum… It's getting fatter by the day… Oh blimey, what have I done!!! I bought a lovely mirror, To see what I could see… And oh ruddy hell and sugar plumbs, Is this really and truly me? Two chins and lines all over, Cobwebs and crows feet too, All tell a tale and make me pail, But now I know just what to do… …Go to slimming world on Thursday, And get some support to help me out… Cos I wana be a slimming world champ! Of that there is no doubt! And get weighed on the scales, (I'm sure that they are out)! Cos I have to be quite honest here! I'm having quite a doubt! And stand there with me eyes closed, Grit them really tight… Hold in me breath and try not to breathe! Cos I'm sick of getting a fright! When I look down onto the scales, Hark, is that weight loss I espy? Well what a shock, I'll eat my frock! I think am gona cry! But every time that I go home, I look for food to eat… I really must have will power! Cos there's two bum's on my seat! But in a crisis I can phone Sue, And she'll get me back on track… It's just as well it is you know ! Cos me double bum's come back! Oh dear Lord, I ask you please, To cut me a little slack…! And help me get this fat off!!! Cos I want me figure back!!!! Amen P.S. I'm not fat, just a little bit of scouse humour! But thank you for all the advice girls... :o) Poetry Ad-Free Upgrades Vote for this poem
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