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The Fear Within!This is me Dan, now this is you! You have to let it go mate!! You have to let it out! ----------------------- I had a little fright one day, when they said I had a tumour! I looked at the doc before me, and thought he had such humour! But then I looked at him again, and what a shock I had! For the seriousness on his face so true, told me it was bad! I came out of that room dazed and shaken, and decided to go home! Oh so shocked, and sad and blue, and feeling so alone… My reaction was one of; ‘holy sh*t! What did he just say?' And then I had another thought, I'm going to die one day? But then I remembered something; we all die…because it's the way! But did this mean I'd die sooner, and would it be today? Then I went home and thought about it, blimey I was scared! I looked to the ceiling and whispered to God; as though He heard! ‘God, you know this tumour? Can you tell me if I'm going to die? Because I have to be quite honest here, I think I'm going to cry! I can't understand, can't comprehend the reason this did occur! And forgive me for my selfishness, but I don't think that it's fair!' Then I got to thinking a bit, and came to a conclusion or two, That no matter how I play this, there was nothing I could do! So I decide to work it out and let everyone see my strength! And oh but I did it good! I strived and dug for it at some length! And I put on a face to show the world; ‘Hey now, look to me! Cos I have a tumour on my brain, but that's just ok with me!' So on went the mask, I never let it slip, cos that wouldn't do! Because at the end of the day, I needed to help my family through! So as not to not let them see my fear, the mask stayed right in place, I laughed and joked; I had a permanent smile on my face! But in the dark of night in my bed, so scared and so in fear! I held back the tears; because…nothing in my head was clear! So I braved it out every day, and let them see it didn't bother me! They had a hard time dealing with it, fear was all they could see! But the fear in me, oh God the fear I had inside my head! The thoughts of my future, and things that couldn't be said! Was I going to die? Would all be well, could they put me right? Oh the pain in my head and in my heart, alone in the dark of night! So the mask had to stay in place so that they wouldn't see… The fear, the terrible fear that was; held within the heart of me! Then one day I realised it wasn't any good for me to pretend… For the fear instilled in my head and heart, I just had to befriend! So I took off the mask, and let myself on show for the world, And therein lay the truth – my fear was unfurled! I had to let it out, and let it go, all the lies within me true! And be myself, let it all go, and do what I had to do! So I let them see me without the mask, let them see my fear! I couldn't pretend; I had to be true, I had to make it clear! For to be true to me is important, for I realised deceit was bad! And why put myself through all of this, why make myself so sad! So I let them see my fears and pain, let them see the real me! Without the mask, with my heart on show, laid bare for all to see! I couldn't be responsible for their state of mind...Oh, no way! For they had to deal with this problem themselves this day! I couldn't help them to deal with it; they had to do it – not me! For I am having it hard, and I had to let them look and see! See what it is that happened this awful day in my life! And let them deal with their issues, deal with their strife! For I cannot carry them and their pain so true! I have enough to deal with, because of the tumour that grew! So I removed the mask that hid my true feelings and fear! So I could be myself and make my feelings and thoughts clear…. Yes of course I'm afraid; for I am human as I am true! I have my way, and you have yours, so do what you have to do! We all deal with issues differently, that's the way! So now I'm ok with it, and so it's your turn today! Deal with it, toy with it, and then put it all to bed! For I have to tell it true, damn it! I'm alive, I'm not dead! My life is precious, wholesome and true! So every day that I wake up, this is what I do! I look to the sky and beyond the stars above, And tell myself every day that this is my life that I love! And look to the skies where it is He resides… Brush at my tears, and close my eyes… And whisper each day to myself; ‘just one day at a time!' Be positive and focus and believe! If I do this, I'll be fine! So when I wake of a morning, to see the sun shine high! I whisper to no-one in particular; it's ok to cry! So in the dark of night, alone in my bed… I give my thanks for the fact; I'm alive and not dead! Because nothing worth having comes easy! And my life is more precious than gold! Poetry Ad-Free Upgrades Vote for this poem
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