Climb the highest mountain, punch the face of god

Because it's Christmas, and I got a blow dryer

My throat feels coated with fire,
Like some volcano of sadness
Erupted its magma inside of me.
But I know this feeling. This
Is what I get for Christmas and
I won't be ungrateful. I'll just
Take it. It comes without a
Receipt and has no monetary
Value anyway. It's what I have
That I hold. I don't want to sound
Selfish so I'll just take it in stride.
I don't get much so I hold what I have.

Remember that song? That one
Christmas song, I think it was on
The Home Alone 2 soundtrack but
Do you remember it? It was kind
Of jazzy. I think the chorus went
Something like “because nobody wants
To be, all alone on Christmas.” It
Went something like that. It's true.
I just don't want to be alone on Christmas.
But that's what I got in my stocking.

It is December 25, and the power
Just came back on, about an hour
Ago. I still have all my candles lit,
In case the fury of the wind (or my
Emotions) decides to cause another
Power outage. I guess I'm kind of
Waiting for the candles to warm me.
I feel like I'm as cold as bitter death.
But that's Christmas in a nut shell.
At least for me. I quit asking for
Things for Christmas when I realized
That shopping for me was not on the
Top of anyone's list. I always said
That it was okay but I would be
Lying deeply if I said it didn't hurt a
Little. And to think, I saved all my
Tears for today, unaware that I would
Be using all of them. It's so cold here.

It would have been nice to have a
Someone, at least to keep the silence
Away. This place is funereal. I
Hate so passionately what I am
Doing to myself, the slow-cook-kill
Method, scraping the life away from me.

I just wanted to be remembered, or
Thought of but not left at the end
Of some storm. I wanted to be a
Companion, not a safe haven, I don't
Want to be seen as that, that's
Not okay with me. But neither are
The tears or breakdowns or the
Constant flicker of the lights/hope that
Tries to mosey its way in a world better
Left to silent darkness. The stars form
A cobweb of thought in the sky but
There's too much clouds to really care.

December 25, 2005
Suge



*I didn't have the best xmas...

And yes, I did actually get a blow dryer*


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Because it`s Christmas, and I got a blow dryer

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