Climb the highest mountain, punch the face of god

Stuck on Suicide

Here I am.
A stone's throw away.
Catch me.
I fall.
I cannot regain my footing.
Why won't you save me?
You promised me the world,
And at the slightest hint
Of lunacy, snatched it away
From my bruised fingertips.
You promised
That nothing
I could say would ever
Deter you from me,
So why are your words
Never solemn but loud?
Point the finger,
Place the blame.
Tell me I'm a bad influence,
Smash my demeanor,
Ruin my esteem
With one
Sharp blow to my head,
My mind.
You were my friend,
My world in some sense.
You never
Said sorry.
You wanted me to
Say sorry.
But I never yelled.
Only pouted and cried.
Let tears fall in your car
As you berated me
For being an idiot as
I thought
You and I were best friends
We were never that close.
I got too close, or maybe too mean?
Why am I still the one weeping?
The walls
Are closing in,
On me.
Yours are expanding,
You continuously
Run away.
I give chase but
You are too far ahead.
You promised…
You promised,
You promised,
You promised,
And then you broke it.
But not only a promise did you break
To me,
But my heart did truly shatter as well.
Ever heard the sound
Of your own heart shatter?
F--k that bullsh!t about
Your girlfriend dumping you,
Telling me she broke your heart
Over a few simple words.
Feel what I'm feeling for a change.
My best friend
Said he was never
My best friend.
And then proceeded to take
A giant sh!t
On my emotions,
Causing me to
Even further down
To where my depression lives.
Now I'm stuck on suicide,
I feel unworthy
And the one other person who
Said you'd stick around with me,
Through the
Bad and
The good
Has ditched me for harsher drugs.
I've found someone else to lean on,
But I miss you too.
Even when you held me for
What felt like forever after
Your graduation,
I thought that things were on the mend,
But I'm naïve and stupid.
More stupid than naïve.
Because a hug didn't say all the
Words I wanted to.
“I love you.”
“I love you too.”
“I'm proud of you.”
“I'm proud of you too.”
Because I'm so delusional
To think you'd talk to me once more?
That hug, that hold,
Couldn't express
All that
Was happening.
And all that still is.
Perhaps it is my fault,
That you're no longer
Friends with me or your
Best friend.
Perhaps it's all my fault,
Trying to shield
You from
But I'm no superhero,
And if I am, then, the world is my
And I'm slowly withering.
It didn't help,
That you laughed in my face,
Took promises away,
Swore we were never close,
Called me utter bullsh!t,
And ruined the one good thing about my life.
Talk to me know, because
Later might be too late.

I can't hang on any longer, and that's my choice.

June 9, 2006

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Stuck on Suicide

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