When I was a young lass…
Boy I was a pain!
I drove me parents round the bend!
And wound them up again and again!
I never wore a dress!!
Cos I didn't wana be a weed!
I would rather play at football,
And belt the lads to heed!!
Conker trees were brilliant!
Except when I fell down!
Then I'd get all dirty!
And it always caused a frown!
I was always grounded you know!
Cos I was truly a little cow!
You could always hear me mother shout;
‘Catherine!! What are you doing now?'
Me mother wanted a pretty girl,  
So she could dress her up in pink!
But I had other thoughts on that!
Cos dresses downright stink!
She would put ribbons in my hair!
And make me wear shoes so sad!
Shiny leather, with bows!
Grrr, I wanted to be a lad!
And when I was in the school playground,
I always got into a fight or two!
I mean to say, it wasn't my fault!
But my excuses never came through!
So they'd kneel me before the holy statue,
And as I looked up to the staring eyes!
I had to write; one hundred lines!
To this statue tall and wise!
I always had to write the same!  
I must not fight with the boys in school!
And every time I wrote it out,
10 minutes later; I always broke the rule!
But they always started it you know!
Cos hells bells, it wasn't me!
It's just that they did my head in!
Cos they angered and irritated me!
I mean, I only stuck up for others!
The ones that couldn't defend!
So there I'd be, boxing again!
Sticking up for a new friend!
Our Lady must have been sick of me!
Cos there I was most every day!
Always there, again and again!
Writing as I pray!
‘Our Lady please give me patience!
And don't let me fight with the boys!
And while you're at it, tell me teachers-
It's not me who always makes a noise!'
So I'd kneel with sore knees every day!
And look at this icon so wise;
And every time I finished me lines…
I'd check her staring eyes!
I'm sure I saw them move one time?
And it really made me freak!
In fact, if I remember right;
I didn't have a fight for a week!
But then again, what can I say?
Cos I never once got wise!
And not only did I always get caught!
I wasn't very good at lies!
I always gave meself away you know!
And so there I'd be once more;
Writing; ‘I shouldn't be fighting with the lads!'
With sore knees in the wooden floor!
And this is yet another true account!
And I'm still wary of that statue!
It's all gud tho innit!